Tonight...

Last Friday I had a fright and sad Friday night with the hubba and Abby. But, God is gracious and merciful! I have Abby with me tonight :) thank God for keeping watch over her.. Amen! 

The cheeky little girl and tyrant of my life :) but I am loving every bits of it! 

Abby is home!

Is great to hear from morning that Abby be coming home. As the clock ticks, and each time the nurse wants to take her temp, my heart will pause. Of cos I also took her temp on my own before the nurse does. 

After this episode, it taught me so so so much. Needed to pen down the thoughts. I am very thankful to God for protecting the little one. Started from at the clinic when I felt I didn't received much help from the doc and receptionist, perhaps I can do a better job. I heard a voice telling me to sponge her, thus while they telling me to go to Kkh, I was sponging her and bringing her temp down. It was a very very scary experience when a person who was responding just suddenly stopped and started to throw fits. No joke it scared the shit out of me. 

Very thankful to God for how He used Abby to encourage me. Coming back to Abby each morning, I will make sure I pray with her as we walk. It assures me and I felt very encourage whenever she can resound back with an "amen!" It reminded me of the faith like a mustard seed. I dunno if she is even aware who God is, but it encouraged me so much. It just tells me that she is doing well and God is working in her and with her.

Very thankful that now she is fine and is able to come home. It is so saddening to come back to an empty home. walking past her room seems so emo, and it makes me miss her so much. She is such a big part of my life. Am just so happy and glad that I have the hubs and Dottie back tonight, and nothing else matters. All in all, health is still the most impt assets.  

Looking back, I felt I didn't play a good role. Should have taken her to doc earlier. Should have sponge her more. Should have given the right dosage. It takes such a painful lesson to know. Lord, please grant me the wisdom I need in caring for the little one.

Abby is unwell..

Tonight is he first night that I goes to sleep without Abby with me. I felt very loss, she is such a big part of my life. I really missed her so so so much. I really hope she gets well soon, if I can I rather be the one down with fever. Lord, please have mercy on the little one and send Your healing hands upon her. In Jesus' name I pray, amen! (Abby will say amen with me too) 

So true... 

Thoughts..

I am surprised to hear what was shared. I think because I didn't expect it to be you. The story is just like what I went through except a role changed. I also think overtime I have grown, my naive-self thinking everyone is nice and knowing right from wrong seems to have shattered and I seems to beginning to see the world. 

I asked God why it was surfaced again. Why when I so badly wanted to forget and moved on and yet it had to haunt me again. I think I know God is teaching me sth. I had suppressed it but I have yet to let go. Prayed for her which brought both of us to tears. I dunno how to pray but I know it was needed at that moment. 

I think it must be hard for her. Even if the man decided to leave the wife to be with her, she will still be the one get hurt the most. Guilt will continue to torment her. Sometimes I wonder why do ppl want to marry when they can't stay faithful. Similarly, why try to break a family when u didn't want it to happen to ur own family? And no consideration at all to the children, if any. This week is the 2nd time I am hearing "I am the product of my parent's failed parenting". I don't wish Abby be saying such things when she is older.    

I dunno. I dunno if I can be helping her. I dunno will she fall again if he decided to text tml? If one knowing is wrong and yet cont to sink in, I think is unforgivable and I don't even know if I can even face her. I am hating the situation she is in but yet I can't hate her.

However, I think somehow I know that God is definitely working in me which is comforting to my soul. 

I'm held by Your love

Finally found this photo as I browse through my album. 

Looking at how daddy holding Dottie in his arm reminded me of how my Heavenly Father held me in His arms and how apt the song "I'm held by Your love" is. Guess I nv truly understand the lyrics but seeing this I do. Thank God. 

Unappreciated

Yea this is what I feel.. 

Since u didn't want to talk abt it and I don't think you will get it. Neither do I want to start another phone war.. I was very defensive because I want to protect myself. It is coming to a month, but I didn't hear u said anything encouraging to me. It was always, "what new stuff is Abby trying?" "You should start a routine" "this routine is not working" "you should this this this and that that that" "Adrian's bb can do this" "Adrian'wife is doing this and that" it felt like all the things I am doing is not right. Is like at work, I don't receive praises for doing a job well done. Or i don't get any encouragement for making progress. Thus it made me feel lazy to even want to try anything, might as well just wait and let u nag. 

U are making comparison and indirectly putting pressure on me. Did u know? No doubt, u didn't scold me when Abby fell. I think if u did it be much more worst, esp the aftermath I had to face when ppl starts to ask what happened. 

I really dunno what it means to be a good mom or even a wife that u expected. I already tried my best, to accommodate, to compliment. Don't start a phone war with me if u read this. Not happy with it or felt unjust, nvm leave it. I be fine after a sleep. 

Tired. Sleep. 12 12 already.. 

Cannot get to sleep..

Is late but I can't get to sleep. 

Feeling hungry and some feeling within me that I dunno how to put it to words. 

I dunno if I had said the wrong things to someone in depression. >.< haven heard a reply, so just hope she is doing okie. Didn't know her for very long, but she was willing to share with me, interesting. 

Maybe she is causing me to lose sleep too, kinda worried for her.. 

Hungry..... Sleep..... 

Whenever I m unwell I like to put on my super oversized pullover since JC times. I felt it reminds me of daddy when I wear it because dad put it on before and qns me why do I buy such a big one! :D

1 week past Abby's fall :( thank God for protecting... 

Stop the clock (Peter Marsh)

Try to stop the clock from turning

Everyday we keep on learning

There's a better way for us to live

We are young and open hearted

We can't stop the change has started

Make the world a better place to live

Even though the time is on our side

There is a no place where we can hide

We know that there is just one way

Stop the clock and think about it

We are young and we can shout it loud

So everyone can see

Stop the clock and think about it

We are young and we can shout it loud

Make the world a better place to live

Stop the clock and think about it

We are young and we can shout it loud

So everyone can see

Stop the clock and think about it

We are young and we can shout it loud

Make the world a better place to live

A better place for you and me

Hmmm

Hmmm.. Finally tired.... Goodnight... 

Bored.... 

Sian... 

Hmmm.... Haha..

Dec is coming!

Dec is coming marks 2 occasion. A time of giving and feasting and of cos is the celebration of my last day at work. Not exactly celebration, ppl are telling Abby to celebrate instead. Well, I guess is a new calling, a new job. Wish me all the best because is a life we are talking abt here. I usually like Christmas season, but dunno why is feeling a-little-dunno-how-to-describe. Hmmm... A tinge of unhappy, not sad, not moody. Hmmm dunno... Hopefully it goes away.

My Christmas tree! Guess it looks nicer now then the previous decoration. My first tree. So proud of my tree. 

Is late, should be sleeping but can't get to sleep. Hai................ 

Another night with just Abby and me..

So sad

Omg! I burnt 6 chicken.. Nvm worst is, it is inedible? :(

And Abby fell in front of me and got a bruise... :( 

Sian.......

Double Sian.... 

Ice cream time.......

What a day wasted!

I hated when promises made are not fulfilled! Worst to be cancelled at the last minutes and decided by mood. I hated it. Such a weekend and spent like this. U have ur moments of fun, why should I be deprived when I only have weekends to go out. Period! I should just go out with Abby. 

I wonder what Abby will react in future when u just changed ur mind like this.

I always ask myself why! Why do I want to make my life so hard. 

How mean can it be

A business "partner". How nice to use a term like this to hide a mistress. Is sad to keep hearing such stories. If u had known a wife who is kept in a the dark of the husband's business "partner" and yet the whole grp kept quiet abt it, how sad it is? Period. Disgust me. Such a whore "partner" and a jerk. 

What I pity most is the wife and the sons she bore. Being kept in the dark. How abt switching position with the woman out to play? Imagine having the sons grow up knowing what kind of a father they have. Why can't man be responsible for his own doing. Seriously, is maddening just to hear it! So what even if I can say all this, she isn't my friend. If she is, I sure to expose him in front of the wife and perhaps give the "partner" a tight slap for being a sucker. Yea perhaps she enjoys *sucking*, what a whore! 

Realized am getting super vulgar and especially toward women and men who are home wrecker. If you think ur heart cannot stay with one, don't settle down. It just hurt many hearts. If u didn't think then is just too bad, u are just such a bad planner. Period. WTS. Seriously how I wish I can expose him. So what if u are rich, it doesn't give u right to do it.  

So late

好想找个人来说说话! 可是太迟了！

Threaded some of the roads that I grew up with brought back so much memories. Reminded me of my growing up years! How fast time flies and how much I have grown. 

Somehow, the song "Lord, I offer my life" became a different meaning to me when I sang it again after a long time. Is such a different feeling to be singing this. I guess it mean I have really grown. 

Facts of life is sth I think I beginning to see. Random thoughts. Back to my paper. 

好可爱呵!! 

Ohhhhh hellooooo

Hasn't been blogging for a while!!

How can I not blog abt the little cutie.. :) 

Is so nice to know that you have a place where is filled with ppl who love you and ppl whom you love.. 

Hope u feel love cutie! 

I felt I didn't had time to do the things I need to do. On top of that, the phone had chose to go flat on the day when it should be fully utilized. Felt like the whole world is condemning me for not having the phone on. 

Teach so many times u also didnt get it. So frustrating. 

Don't ask further for comments when it is approved and no further amendments allowed. It is irritating. 

Had a scare for EC, published but not followed. Hai. 

Did not approve Sth in time. Felt so bad the entire day.

Tired. So many things and so much responsibilities. 

Didnt like what I am feeling..

Growing up

Not sure if I have posted this before. But is a reminder that Abby will grow. One day, she will not want us to carry her anymore.... Awwwwwww....

Sian

It is damn stupid to send the email to gebiz. Will gebiz even know that the supplier has changed uen? Seriously! I don't even know why u want me to do it. Is it my purview? Fine, I did it. 

I don't need u to step into my procurement. You don't have to consider how much involvement. I don't like to be in the same team as u, what more u see u. Freak. A few more times, that's it. I don't see u are leading me well. I rather run on my own. 

Am already not clever, don't need another email to make me look stupid. Yea, maybe I am stupid afterall. 

Sian. 

Period. 

Really hated it. 

All about Abby baby!

She is sooooo cute! She has learnt to flip n now she is exploring her lungs!! 

Such a smiley baby.. Thank God :)