Mariah Carey - I Want To Know What Love Is

Chanced upon this on my way to work....

gotta take a little time  
A little time to think things over  
I better read between the lines  
In case I need it when I'm colder  

In my life there's been heartache and pain  
I don't know if I can face it again  
Can't stop now, 
I've traveled so far  
To change this lonely life 

I wanna know what love is  
I want you to show me  
I wanna feel what love is  
I know you can show me  

I'm gonna take a little time 
A little time to look around me  
I've got nowhere left to hide  
It looks like love has finally found me 
In my life there's been heartache and pain 
I don't know if I can face it again I can't stop now, 
I've traveled so far  
To change this lonely life  

I wanna know what love is  
I want you to show me  
I wanna feel what love is  
I know you can show me  
I wanna know what love is 
I want you to show me 
And I wanna feel, I want to feel what love is  
And I know, I know you can show me  
Let's talk about love  
I wanna know what love is, the love that you feel inside  
I want you to show me, and I'm feeling so much love 
I wanna feel what love is, no, you just cannot hide I know you can show me, yeah

This Day...

I am so excited for hui... the anxiousness within her is something I can resonate as I recall the eve of the day. I had only 4 hrs of sleep and at this time I guess I was in bed eyes wide opened! :) I also rem we broke the whatever tradition of not seeing each other the night before when I realised the bouquet is at my hse so bro drove me down..
did u rem what was your feeling then?

Back to hui, am glad this time round it is happening. :) this yr I get to see 2 very close friends settling down.. am happy they found the one who they are growing old with. :) isn't it sweet to see ppl coming tog forming family and growing old tog? Am sure they will too.. :)

Haa... Raq texted today, other than my sis and mag, perhaps she is the next who is so excited over my unborn child.. she was telling me how blessed she think I am, to be able to start a family and she yearns to! Wow, she is only 23!!! Haa but is good to start young as per some says since healthier.. I somehow felt maybe she came a little early but is okie God will bring me through whatever that is to come.. :)

An opportunity came for me to ask how he is doing.. felt I needed to know and wanted him to know how I feel... otherwise sometimes I dunno how I should be treating him? As I said I do my part, my part means to show love and I think my love language is also touch. I dunno if I should even be giving a simple hug/kiss, will it be shan away or love be felt? I didnt want to do something when the love is not there.. it made me feel unwanted.. Am glad he shared he felt bad, because he is not what I used to think he was 3 months ago. I really hope he can come before God himself, not sth we can help or know if he had but sth only he knows for it is what he tells God..

Father, please don't pass him by... Work is still hectic for him... I don't rem him working so hard during dating time, there's always time for supper.. well, change of environment and expectation..
sometimes I worry what if he can't be there when I am in labour because he chose work over me? I think I will really be sad if there is any risk for me and he is not there..

Okie, bed time soon... looking at our wedding pic hung on e wall... we were really happy when we looked into each other's eyes that day..

A prayer to Him

Sometimes I felt when I needed you, but you wasn’t around like last night.. I cant help but compare why u will leave that night.

I didn’t feel good at work, don’t like to face issue with colleagues at work, especially the petty ones. Okie, having said this, I should stop grumbling, after all so many days passed! I don’t feel like having lunch with them. Sometimes I think I am over reliance, but I rem you used to say it is okie for me to rely on you. I missed times at jcd when I don’t feel like lunching with anyone, you are there. Hmm, I feel I cannot rely on you, because you will fail me, just like i may fail you too. Surely, only God doesn’t fail, I just need to find my source of comfort when I am down to remind me that. 

I am not just the only one feeling lousy at work. Hub is too. I guess he is having a harder time than I do. Sorry that I am of no help to you. I can only be praying that God help him to pull through this tiring period. I dunno where is he with You, but I see that God is blessing Him. God, I ask You show him the path and allow him to see Your hands at work. For the things You have called him to do, will You give him the strength required and help along the way.

God, all I ask is You bless the little one that is coming and bless our family.  

I think I am falling in love with him! Been thinking about how the story will unfold. Anyway is all fantasy....

:(

Today met L.. was told the reason why she and Daniel didn't work out well.. she fell in love with a married man (mm). I was shocked as i didnt see it coming to friends ard me and had a big reaction.. I was upset too.. L mentioned nth happened to them as she sensed sth weird abt mm and backed off then. She asked why mm will behave like this. I shared with her my perspective and glad she didn't carry it further. Now she is afraid of mm because of the stupid things he will do to her, even pouring water on her table. Period. I can sense she still loves Dan but I also know he needs time. I always felt Dan is a good man, one of the few guys I met I classified as good. L felt mm was showing concern and able to share her issues at work wheras dan cant. I just felt it could be the stagnant-feel they facr in their 7yrs journey. However, Am glad L shared with me the truth, and I am able to share with her some beliefs I hold from the bible. Hai.. now I dunno how to Dan will react when I return the stuff to him... how fragile a relationship can be...

(:

Alot of things on my mind again... what’s new...


L asked me should she return the necklace since she is returning the ring to him. Well to me, if I am her, I wont be wearing it esp since is a past relationship, so why not return and perhaps he can decide what to do with it? Moreover, I am a sentimental person, guess I wont want to have it reminding me of the past. However, I was thrown with another option, why not keep it lest he be digging to see what other stuff to return and sour the whole ‘friendship’ – if it still exists.

This short conversation kept me thinking, I kept it away too... because I am unsure abt the things that was told to me then – the desires and promises. I think it bottoms down to insecurity, yea and me not being trusting enough.

Recent devotions and sermons have been speaking to me, I admit I judge and who am I to judge? I judge things around me based on my own standards; I should apply these standards to myself too. It begins to reveal who I really am, like what pastor said is either I change my name or I change my behaviours. When I was preparing for the kaleo session, I wondered why these ppl will willing to die for their faith, I think I beginning to see some light again. The things of the earth is temporary, the time we have here is a passing phase. How we live it, how we ‘document’ it

Well, many ppl are talking to me abt their holiday plans! So shiok aint it!! :P dunno if I am able to go... been wanting a place to relax and I want to sun-tan! Haa boo said I am adventurous, maybe cos I am captivated by the beauty of creation – the rising sun shining in the morning. At least, I am thankful to be able to catch a glimpse of the morning sun on Friday @ Sentosa before the afternoon sunshine is out. Though is warm and hot, I do enjoy the time, not sure if u do...

I think I beginning to like Abigail Ling... haa... should I relive our blog? I stopped since caught with work and wedding prep then... hmmm but I don’t want only I am excited to journey it down...

Okie... she is kicking again!

a Failure

I feel like a failure. Not doing well with so many things on mind.


ACE is not doing as well as I expected. Work wise I felt I am running it by myself. Family wise I also felt that I am a failure.

Maybe my nature should not be seen by others as I am nice. I am not capable of anything.

One good thing that happened perhaps is Twelve Cupcakes. I didn’t expect to receive it. Dunno why this Twelve Cupcakes meant something to me, I mentioned it before but I didn’t get to try it.

He decided to be away during this weekend for time alone.. I wasnt hoping it will happen because I am afraid to find sth else.. but I chose to trust. Somehow when I am alone I will think of it.. I think I am just fearful to go through it again. I was browsing through my yahoo mail n memories of the emails we used to send was brought back...

Ready-ness

For once I am feeling so afraid. Will I be able to carry my role? Will I be able to do a well done job? I do not know.. the thought of it makes me scare.. I didn't feel like this when we plan to have one, now that it is coming, it is an addition to the family. Ahhh.. I scare I cannot handle well.... As for the other thing that is on my mind, I commit to the Lord. The things that are floating on my mind I give it all away. For what can I give you what God has given me? Grace and mercy and love is not what I deserve from God but He gave. Indeed, I will strive to and continue to show that.. Father, please show me and reveal Yourself to me. My soul is thirsty for You.. On a side note, I really hope to go on a holiday. Missed the US trip.. hmm..

bb girl..

After the check up ytd, we confirmed the new born coming next year end feb is a bb girl.

I am so thankful to know that she is growing well and everything is safe thus far. Of cos, I will still worry about how she will be when she is out since all this is not possible to see through the scans.

It also suddenly dawn on me that I am going to be a mommy soon... 

I feel scare and with a tinge of sadness. I feel I have not dated enough... or maybe I don’t feel love thus I am feeling this way... not sure... 

Am so tired, felt like everyone is draining me, I started venting at work. Is a bad sign. I don’t wish to talk about it. If possible, I just want to be left alone and sleep through everything. Will everything be ok after a sleep? My childhood fantasy again...

God, only You know how I feel. I commit each feeling to You.

I feel like crying... feel like having my mint ice cream... 

manyathought

Many thoughts.. dunno where to begin also.. I trusted ppl unless proven otherwise.. to date, this theory still holds, silly? I dunno. I know is not an easy time now. I have waited and I feel God is moving things.. I beginning to feel God is answering prayers. Maybe is true that ppl ard may get impatient.. therefore we should wait. Hmmm will things be back to normal? Lord, how long do I wait and what will unfold? I hope things be back to how it used to be.. it didn't feel good to feel what I am feeling and of cos I do ask:"God, why?" I only wanted a simple life.. one who cares and dotes...

Enough

I think this is enough..

My thoughts...

Yup as expected it just passed by without mentioned.. I didn't remind..

Guess this preg or period made me stronger! Daring to try things I wanted to but nv try before! Had a great time @ mag's.. Am Gg pedi with her soon and maybe WAXING! Haa! (since nobody reads) I always wanted but nv dare to!! Now I just want to try!!! Is it the hormones??? I really do think so!!

I think preg makes the whole body goes hay wire! So maybe doing that will at least let the nurses or docs have a better 'experience' when handling down under... :P what a naughty thought! But like what was shared is courtesy!! :) Haa!

Time passes..

It was just 3 yrs ago.. But 3 yrs later I kept it away.. Don't think he will rem anyway..

Is amazing how much I have grown in these 3 yrs! Learning to be a wife and now Gg to be a mom.. And so what's next? Life is challenging isn't it..

Thank God for placing some of u ard, ppl who has special place in my heart to help through this. God, please teach me what to do..

My prayer..

Abba Father, let me be
Yours and Yours alone.
May my will for ever be
Evermore Your own.
Never let my heart grow cold,
Never let me go.
Abba Father, let me be
Yours and Yours alone.

God, never let me go.. Same to u..

梦一场

我们都曾经寂寞而给对方承诺 我们都因为折磨而厌倦了生活
只是这样的日子 同样的方式 还要多久
我们改变了态度而接纳了对方 我们委屈了自己成全谁的梦想
只是这样的日子 还剩下多少 已不重要

时常想起过去的温存 它让我在夜里不会冷
你说一个人的美丽是认真 两个人能在一起是缘份

早知道是这样 像梦一场 我才不会把爱都放在同一个地方
我能原谅 你的荒唐 荒唐的是我没有办法遗忘
早知道是这样 如梦一场 我又何必把泪都锁在自己的眼眶
让你去疯 让你去狂 让你在没有我的地方坚强
让我在没有你的地方疗伤

What if...

What if God did not stop it?

真心的朋友

我们在生命中许要几个真心的朋友?
我很感谢我生命里的好朋友...

A song I heard at work, which triggered my thought. I always think I am a true and nice friend to ppl, I treat ppl with sincerity since young. I wanted to be everyone's best friend when I young - how silly was that... :)

I recalled how I used to chase up 3rd floor classroom to reprimand a pri sch fren of mine who was rude to his mom, his mom was heart broken waiting at the sch hall for his appearance. Strangely, at P4, I will think of doing that. Haa sound silly... He was a violent boy, how scared I was at that time..

How am I feeling today?

Sunday afternoon

I don't usually sleep by myself on a Sunday afternoon since hmm 4 yrs ago... Rather i don't even have the habit of naps...

Now I m by myself.. Napping..

To be or not to be..

I decided to share my thoughts again.. Maybe it backfired, I dunno...

Think we see things differently maybe? Things we did not resolve before we decided to be together forever.. And now perhaps it is piling and going to explode.

Today is actually one of my happiest day after the whole thing. We went shopping for the whole afternoon, and our hands were locked again.. Yea I ended it with my thoughts and feeling..

To put it simple, I really just want him to be happy.. I also want him to stay close to Him..

Guessed I have failed in my role and vow.. Such a failure I am isn't it... Maybe it was him but all along it was me...

God's will

1) God's sovereign will - Our God is in control of everything

2) God's moral will - what to do and not to do, which are found in the bible.

3) God's permissible will - God allowed it to happen such as suffering, sins...

4) God's directive will - not my will but Thy will be done..

The meaning of life

Took half day to accompany mom for her mammography. Met a lady whose eyes were red, guess she is in pain.

Maybe she was just diagnosed to be a cancer patient. In life, many ppl won't think or consider illness till illness hits them. I could be one of them too. I never think that certain things I will be going through but I am.

So what should I do since knowing that life is short, so much to achieve and yet we dunno how much time we have. Thus happy or sad, we still need to pass that 1 day, why not let it be a happy day? :)

Can't get to sleep

不知道为什么睡不着。
He is snoring in bed... He must be too tired these days..

There is none like You

There is none like You,
No one else can touch my heart like You do,
I can search for all eternity Lord
And find, there is none like You.

Your mercy flows like a river wide,
And healing comes from Your hand.
Suffering children are safe in Your arms,
There is none like You.

Visit to the gynea

He is getting on my nerves again. I don’t know if he is aware of the procedure. Well, SOP again. But he took a long while at HR, hmmm... am I going to feel guilty again?


Came to hear abt Cheryl’s mom, wishing her well soon. Especially at this age, been hearing stories about parents falling ill. Dennis shared he will be taking leaves to help and I think he has done alot for her family, well family as he said. Family, a heart warming word. Haa I rem Frankie mentioned to me, the child is only 3 yrs old once, 4 yrs old once etc, hence we should spend time with our children and enjoy their company. By the time, they reach dating years they wont need parents anymore, love is just like air to them. Haa, I must admit sometimes this can be rather true.

Today we visited the gynea, bb is growing well. Ah 9cm! That’s fast, each visit he/she will grow by at least twice. Life is amazing isn’t it? I can imagine myself being in my mom’s womb and forming each part of my body. That’s God creation! The next visit will be the detailed scan.

OR2012 was rather boring. The only thing that touched my heart most is worship and the sharing of Proverbs 31 by Mrs Tay. I have failed, so difficult.

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

10 [b]A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies,
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it,
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Sorry I lied...

Does love change so fast?
I read through my entries and felt things changed.

Honestly, I didn't feel good Abt this morning because hope was given but usually it is deflated. This is also not once. U asked if I want, I didn't want to make u feel made used, like i needed u. I rather it be Sth u want to do for me. 想:现在的你和以前不一样.

I think I had such a strong feel because I try very best to fulfil the things I promised. You didnt like me to break promise made to you, but I see you breaking mine. Maybe to you, u didn't promise. But u also know I didn't like plans to be changed. In fact, I knew this morning this will be expected. I thought maybe this period I will feel alittle love from u, but as I walk out on my own, as I carry my heavy bag, my heart was heavier. I felt unwanted and unloved.

I know he is tired, physically, mentally, maybe emotionally too. Perhaps I am asking too much.

I see preg ladies on the road, most often with the hubby along side, holding them. Honestly, I felt this preg, I am all alone. I didn't feel love. I felt upset that things changed. I didn't like this stage of my life.. I feel like just running away... I puke ytd, I needed a hug, from who?

This is a place I just want to rant how I feel.. Maybe these 2 days is a good break for us..

Grace and Mercy

Came to hear abt Jas’s bb girl, she was born with paralyse left cheek. Tried to text her but no reply, till I met Syl. So sad, I can feel the pain she has for the little girl, heard she been crying and Syl looked tired. I used to rem how we always talk about wanting to start a family with the loved one and being up-to-date housewives. I can truly understand the fears she had when she was carrying the child.


Met eli last night, as we chat I shared with her some of my feeling over this child... like I told hb, many things can be owned by us, bearing our names. A child is someone unique because he carries the parents’ traits; I feel is something personal and close to my heart next to the marriage cert which bore our names too. Different pair of couples will have a different child; this is one of me and him. Thus I feel it is special.

I want to play my role and responsibility, and to end it well... God, I hope you be pleased with me, walking on the narrow path is hard with so many expectations, but it is a path I chose 13 yrs ago. The many decisions I made I know You are guiding and as You unfold the plan, teach me to understand and show me Your grace and mercy.

Breakaway

So happy that he got to where he is today, and he won the competition. No matter how small the award can be, I feel he has gained the recognition and affirmation from the management. Is so not easy but he did it. God, I know You have blessed him. Please continue to grant him favour at work for this is a place where I know he is happy and proud of his own achievement.


I had a surprise breakfast today! thanks so much, so sweet..

I didn’t have a good day at work, I don’t like to be clearing ppl’s shit. Yet, I have to do it again. I want to have ice cream tonight, if not I think I will really cry. I didn’t like Aug 2012, feel like taking a break and to be away for a while. So many had gone for their holidays and back refreshed.

I think it may be good for me and maybe you.

(:

I read the diary last night! Too engrossed in the memories that I didn’t know he came back from cycling.


Am bored at work, Dennis came over to disturb me. Haa I was reminded of JCD days. Though it was tough, but that’s where many memories were shared. Jeremy called me and looked for sim/wn, I asked why is he always calling me and looking for somebody else, this is so sad! Well, at least he said something humane, I am more friendly (: yea, also realised that am too friendly when I was conversing with a vendor later...

I like to have interactions with ppl, I think this is what I like my job to be. Numbers can be boring, but to switch line at this age is too risky. If I ever have a chance, I will really want to try PR related jobs. (: tonight has no plan yet, he will be OT-ing and I don’t wish to be alone. Don’t know why nowadays I found myself rather alone when I have pockets of free time. In the past, my days are always pack with activities. Maybe after married I always run back to mom’s place, but this time round I want to hang out with the old friends. I am still waiting for Elaine’s reply for dinner...

Today on my way to work, heard from the radio emcee asking how many friends do you have in your life that you are still close to? Studies from UK states that one should have more than 10 close friends esp during their mid life so they won’t develop some psychological issue (I think). Interestingly, some of the faces pop up, thought some have not met for a while, but when we meet it seems like we never left, how nice it is. I think I have more than 10, which I am very thankful for.

Always heard a song on my way to work, it set my thoughts thinking – Patti Smith, Sometimes love just aint enough. Feel like having a hug sometimes...

From the heart

It is such a dilemma that sometimes you wish for the man to be successful, yet you worry that the man will attract, like bees to honey. I sincerely wish for him to be successful and happy, but I also think he can attract, I don’t know is this a good thing. I cannot control him. Ok, I think I am jealous, but all along I am like this what, yea just maybe he doesn’t know, how to show him also? I doubt he know I find him attractive when he is focusing, such as playing the guitar or even at work.


However, I do hope that he will win this competition too. I think God has blessed him at work. God, please continue to show your grace and mercy on him. No matter what the future holds, I will be happy if he is.

My 1st Attempt

Today I cooked fried rice! I was excited, and I did it within 10mins! So proud of myself... maybe because I have known what are the ingredients I will use and the method to do it. Though is my 1st try, I think the rice may have fried for too long. I was worried about half-cook food if Law were to try, but well I already prep that he won’t be eating since he is meeting CC for breakfast and guess lunch will be a quick one for him today. Honestly, a little sad he didn’t try la, but is okie... not like is a big thing.


I had this urge for home cook food, thus I started to grow tired of outside food. I think I beginning to feel it since I read a fren’s page and she mentioned abt cooking etc. I always thought it to be difficult, but it is not! Haa, anyway I seldom have the chance to, and I think I made a mess of the kitchen today. But dad is kind, he didn’t complain but I saw him wiping something away... I always make sure I clear up, maybe is the smell. Law also said I smelled of fried rice, so sad. No encouragement today for my 1st attempt, but is okie, I know can already...

I can feel this bb only wants to eat Chinese food... hmmm... I have been craving for Chinese food, not sure what’s going to happen to my pasta at home though. (:

I hope his presentation goes well today, he really did spend much effort into it. God, I pray that You help him to focus at work and to do well for today’s presentation. Take away the nervousness and grant him the peace and a clear mind to share what he has planned.

Wn is back today. She wanted to review the whole AP maintenance process, and see what is necessary etc. I was upset! I told her we are already halfway and now want to review! What’s this! Always like that, halfway through change, I really beginning to feel I don’t like here anymore.
I want to eat nice ice cream, shall find an opportunity to enjoy at a nice cozy place after work one day.

Ice Cream

Hao xiang chi ice cream................... i want mint ice cream!! have yet to eat one to help myself feel better.
Did i mention i always eat ice cream when i am feeling low? It cools my heart and sweeten it. *yummy*

Blessings

We always talk about counting our blessings, sometimes I do thank God for small little things that happen even in the day of work. It can even be as simple as for having a peaceful day without hiccups.


I thank God for allowing me to know Him. I will always remember how I chided Marie off when she tried to introduce Him to me. Haa.. I seldom scold ppl other than GB girls, but I told her off...

I thank God for my family who dotes and loves me alot. I also thank God for the new family I have! I once read when you are feeling unloved, at least be thankful you had a chance to love; some don’t even have this opportunity. Yup, I am thankful for that, so counting back God has been kind to me too. Yup, I am still thankful for the relationship that we are working on.

Yesterday, butt shared something with me. Many decisions we made no matter how small is spirit-led. For eg, when you are full, do you still want to eat some more? NO! The spirit-led within you tells you if you continue to eat you will be overeating and consequences come – Fat, vomit etc... I never saw decision making in that light, at least not in the spirit-led kind of perspectives. I think Lawrence shared with me before during one of the bs ba, else seems like it was discussed with someone before. I think the decision to stay is a spirit-led decision, showing grace and giving space is also a spirit-led decision.

Share a song someone shared with me today... Laura Story ‘Blessings’

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

Romance Love

Today i was reminded during marriage preparation, Pastor did tell us about romance love that will fade. So when it fade, what will happen? For most married couple, romance love fade maybe 1 yr later because u see each other everyday. Some maybe wont even feel the romance love fade because they may have ease through the transition.

Romance Love fades and it requires effort to be put in to build it up again. Love is not just about feeling. It entails responsibilities, trust, patience etc.. i was reminded of 1 Cor 13. Many couples will feel when romance love fades if they truely think about it, next is what? Find a new gf?

Guess for me when it fades, it becomes a responsibility for me to ensure my husband's needs are met. In sickness, in health... Or maybe I always took it upon myself it is my responsibility to ensure his basic needs are met, fed well, zzz well, doing little things for him or even serving him.

My thought...

So much thought went through my mind when I was driving.


Today I prepared breakfast, wanted to try something different. I had this urge to have a sumptuous meal and decided to spend a little effort. I knew in my heart is not because for myself, I feel I want to do something special for him.

I didn’t want to find out, but yet I want to know. I want to know how he is feeling and if he is coping well. I know truth hurts. I know. Sometimes I feel I am doing something but I dunno what the outcome is. Will it be like before? I dunno.. 2 yrs down the road, does it mean I will be going through the same thing? I felt meaningless doing the things I did though I know I have to. I felt I am the one assuring all the time, who will assure me? Felt so lonely. I nv felt like this before.

I pondered does it also mean 2 yrs down the road I may give up? The child will be 2, so what can I do? The thought of it is so scary, it makes me feel this whole thing is so selfish.

Was resolving a case I have with a colleague. Her conclusion to me is to DO IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME. How often do we know the step we took is right or not? Is an irony. But some things I am sure there is a clear line.

What Faith can do

A beautiful song i heard as i was listening to my music at work. Somehow, it inspired me to search for the lyrics.

What Faith Can Do

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes
And make a new beginning

Anyone can feel the ache
You think it's more than you can take
But you're stronger
Stronger than you know

Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining
I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason
For someone not to try

Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright

Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That's what faith can do)
When the world says you can't
It'll tell you that you can

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
That's what faith can do
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

New look for a new start..

I went to change the outlook of my blog, decided to have a fresh start for this, maybe can help me feel better.


I seem to have developed a fear for loneliness. I don’t want to be alone, be it at home or sleeping. I don’t want to have that feeling anymore. God, I never have to fear this, but now I do. Last night, I went home and was alone. What will it be like when the house comes? I don’t dare to think further

Moving on...

Mood: Moodless..
It has been a week.

I know you are trying to make it as comfortable for me as possible. Both of us knew, deep down there is a hole that we want to just hide in so nobody can find us, not doing anything and just be in daze.

I have been in daze for a while.. I still do the things I want to do, but the feelings are different, and things will not be the same again. Going to be better or worst? I really dunno..

Oi used to say whenever I am in the ‘I dunno’ mood, she will chose to leave me alone for a while, at least for that particular call she made.

Recently, been thinking abt the past, particularly from 2008, think those were my really happy moments all my life. Feeling so emo now, I know if I share, wont make you feel any better too.

God, I needed You.

i dunno what to title this...

I don’t know what to title this...


The last entry was Mar 2010, guess nobody will rem the existence of this blog, hence decided to reuse and pen down my thoughts.

I have yet to write/blog in a long while. Personally after this last entry, I switched to another combine blog to rem our wedding journey and ahead. However, it was stopped since motivation from one is tough to maintain. I browsed through my old entries, particularly the last one before I switched, I finally knew why the old hymm ministered to me and I wanted it to be included in my marriage worship, does he know?

When love is tried as loved ones change,

hold still to hope though all seems strange,

Till ease returns and love grows wise

through listening ears and opened eyes.

When love is torn and trust betrayed,

pray strength to love till torments fade,

Till lovers keep no score of wrong,

but hear through pain loves Easter song

I always felt that this song bears alot of meaning, it already tells me how difficult the journey of marriage can be. Maybe, I thought I will have a wonderful one. But I must say, I really do think I had a wonderful one until the trust was betrayed.

I felt so miserable. I really do. I know he is having a hard time too and most probably got whacked/will be by a lot of ppl. What hurts me is the truth. Is an irony that I want to hear yet I find myself biting my lips to hear? Women cant help but to compare, I don’t wish to. I felt I always wanted him to be by my side, not much expectation but just want to follow where he go and he be with me when I needed him.

This journey is so tough, the road to recovery is so hard.

God, please be near us.

i love this song, as i came across this. (:
i thought the lyrics to be rather meaningful, it touches my heart as i recalled the journey 2 of us took.. and when love is found....

When Love is found and hope comes home,
sing and be glad that two are one.
When love explodes and fills the sky,
praise God and share our Makers joy.

When love has flowered in trust and care
build both each day, that love may dare
To reach beyond homes warmth and light
to serve and strive for truth and right.

When love is tried as loved ones change,
hold still to hope though all seems strange,
Till ease returns and love grows wise
through listening ears and opened eyes.

When love is torn and trust betrayed,
pray strength to love till torments fade,
Till lovers keep no score of wrong,
but hear through pain loves Easter song

Praise God for love, praise God for life
in age or youth, in husband, wife.
Lift up your heart let love be fed
through death and life in broken bread.

love u!
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the past few days hasnt been easy for me i guess. praying that things will change for the better. and hope that God will continue to be the centre and blessing our lives.

i left Job for a while! time to get back on it! is always a joy to be reading and meditating His Word, aint it? was encouraged by a friend's reflection this morning! Thank God for such a morning! (: