Care but not love

I think that is what I am feeling... am i too emotional or sensitive? I can feel the difference from before. Will I become like this too? Care but not love? no affirmation; and  sometimes I wonder is it worth me doing it. But I know God wanted me to. I just know. It needed 2 hands to clap...

Kaleo camp ended! Well... this year lesser helpers, also due to some events that clashed which made bun a little more worried than usual. I did much lesser this year, not staying in and helped in 1 worship session. However, I was able to spend time talking to the girls more this year. Well, last night @ camp and usually more emotions this day. Girls cried but not because of touched by spirit but due to many various reasons.

The father came but received different reactions, i can see he didnt feel good either, well he should have predicted. But i am not qualify to judge him, am sinner too. I know she will be affected and true enough she walked away when she saw him. I didn’t see them talked at all. I heard in the bus, no exchange of eye contact and not a word came out from her mouth. I dunno how I should be helping her. To forgive and move on? I understand the hurt she is going through. Seeing her made me feel sad, I know what will happen if we were to have a heart to heart talk, I will cry with her. Looking back, I shared with him, I didn’t want it to happen to us. I dunno what the future hold because I dunno if u will promise to stay away, to be accountable. But each time I asked, the answer is dunno. Dunno sound insecure, if u know is wrong, u will keep ur heart away isn’t it? I also dunno how long I can sustain with so much uncertainty. I trust each day to the Lord, but is this going to be an everyday submission to Him? My fear: Future.

*Abigail kicked again*

How different will this Christmas be? I also dunno... think will be different... duh! -.-

But all I want for Christmas is that he can experience Him again, and to be able to attend the service.