I m damn upset!

Since u wanted to be with her so much, let's just end it! U can go and love her for all u want. We don't need u. Go n cycle with her. I m a fool to go buy bicycle with u n even excited over it for u. Know what? I really want to meet her. Damn it. I m so upset. Yes, u don't deserve me at all. Bitch, slut, jerk.

I really dunno if I can trust u anymore. Maybe u didn't intend to end or rather her depression was all fake! I hated to be here.

Hated her. What a slut. Disgustingness ugly. Period.

I should just get out of ur life and I will be a happier person. U can do whatever u want.
Just when I think things are getting better this yr. I must be a fool n naive, ppl ask me how are we I said things getting better.

Pictures for Abby!

More pictures of our journey with Abby!

Gynea visit...

Abby is gg to turn 36 weeks! :) she been through with me since jun 12 n she is coming soon...
I wonder what a girl u be like.. I hope ur character is not so much like ur mama because her nature usually land her on the losing end. Be it always used as topic of jokes by friends since young, or always seems to be giving in to friends, not much preference of her choice. Sometimes feeling unappreciated or being treated like a fool, but I guessed is part n parcel of life that ppl will grow stronger. Ur mama learnt, so I Hope ur journey u will walk through n to the end with the good Lord. :)

I think the test truly describe me..

Though I think u wont be reading my blog, if u do u would have ask me how I m doing long ago :P as I shared I won't keep one whose heart is no longer with me, even if it meant to be just me n the child. It is meaningless. No more 'I love you' or even a simple hug when u need. If it helps better, move on n let him be with that b*. Hey u can still turn back, it will hurt a little while like a cut, let it heal n u will be fine. Memories will come but it will come to past. Well, u brought back sth I buried deep deep in the ocean.

Feeling so tired, though not physically, think mentally too..
Backache, fingers-ache, swollen feet...
Shall upload some photos of my journey with Abby here since I m too shy to take any maternity naked photography..

What will happen 37 days later?

37 days to 26 Feb 2013! It marks our 2yrs anniversary n the EDD of the arrival of Abigail..
Not sure when she will be here though... I m quite scare of the process, oh well.. Guess only the mothers will understand what I mean...

She is kicking a little more these days.. Wonder how things be like when she's out. As I read she can be out any time from wk 35, and I m already wk 34!! These days my burps has been kinda weird too, always gave me an uncomfy feeling.. Didn't like it, made me feel sick. N my stretch marks are itchy!!

Many realization.....
Haa suddenly i thought of u, realized i shared a lot with u.. :) thankful for u.. I enjoyed talking to u..

And realized the depth of my love, dunno why suddenly thought of this...
Hmmm maybe I m bored..

And realized now... I dunno la... Sound so emo! Haa..

Waiting for another 15mins....

Did I share before I actually quite like this pic?

Braving through through the "storm"

These 2 weeks hub is in reservist, I came back to mom's place to stay, reminded me of his previous trip to Taiwan.. Going to work is definitely nearer but the journey is braving through the storm everyday. I had my fair share of encounters too - poking ppl, blocking etc just to protect my bump n unnecessary falls! Thank God for His protection :)

Coming back mama place to stay brought back so much memories :) but we can nv turn back time isn't it.. I got to meet up with some old friends, which is a good catch up, and glad they are moving well in life! :)

Today at work, felt a hard kick on my left tummy. It was left at that position for a while, haa I gathered it must be the leg, I rubbed n rubbed n finally she gave in and it subsided. Amazing isn't it? :)

Life is short, I wonder what will I want to achieve before hitting the big 30. A mid career change? Or sth else in my life that gonna change? I know one thing is I can't wait to shed the fats away!!! N look like this! Haa...

Is raining, shall tug myself in bed... Good night...

 One Step CLoser

Heart beats fast

Colors and promises

How to bebrave

How can I love when I'm afraid To fall

But watchingyou stand alone

All of my doubt

Suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

(Chorus)

I have died everyday waiting for you

Darlin' don't be afraid

I have loved you for a Thousand years

I'll love you for a Thousand more

(Verse 2)

Time standsstill beauty in all she is

I will bebrave I will not let anything Take away

What'sstanding in front of me

Every breath, Every hour has come to this

One step closer

(Chorus)

I have died everyday waiting for you

Darlin' don't be afraid

I have loved you for a Thousand years

I'll love you for a Thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you

Time has brought Your heart to me

I have loved you for a Thousand years

I'll love you for a Thousand more.

tell me you love me if you really love me.

CNY is coming!

Don dong dong qiang! Is what that fills the air.. Bought this for my mom n my Mil... :) spent $180.. Well festive season is a happy occasion for family, hope this little gifts bring about the atmosphere!

Abby has been getting heavier, I can feel it! But I can't wait for her to be out so I can truly show my motherhood nature! :) life is so amazing, i can never comprehend how all this come about.. But I want u to know that u are a joy to daddy n mommy... Abigail Ling Xin Hui 林欣惠

Weather is so hot these days, hope it will get cooler..

Hmmm there's a feeling deep down in my heart.. But I didn't have the courage to write it here.. Anyway God knows...

IMU

The Giver - my comments

Wow! This somehow reads me like a book. There are certain things that even I myself cannot put to words about myself and here it is published! Will want to keep the link for future reference. 

Test site:

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

Personality write-up:

http://www.personalitypage.com/html/portraits.html

The Giver - Career

Careers for ENFJ Personality Types

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Whether you're a young adult trying to find your place in the world, or a not-so-young adult trying to find out if you're moving along the right path, it's important to understand yourself and the personality traits which will impact your likeliness to succeed or fail at various careers. It's equally important to understand what is really important to you. When armed with an understanding of your strengths and weaknesses, and an awareness of what you truly value, you are in an excellent position to pick a career which you will find rewarding.
ENFJs generally have the following traits:

• Genuinely and warmly interested in people
• Value people's feelings
• Value structure and organization
• Value harmony, and good at creating it
• Exceptionally good people skills
• Dislike impersonal logic and analysis
• Strong organizational capabilities
• Loyal and honest
• Creative and imaginative
• Enjoy variety and new challenges
• Get personal satisfaction from helping others
• Extremely sensitive to criticism and discord
• Need approval from others to feel good about themselves

The flexibility of these characteristics leave the ENFJ a lot of leeway in choosing a profession. As long as they're in a supportive environment in which they can work with people and are presented with sufficient diverse challenges to stimulate their creativity, they should do very well.
The following list of professions is built on our impressions of careers which would be especially suitable for an ENFJ. It is meant to be a starting place, rather than an exhaustive list. There are no guarantees that any or all of the careers listed here would be appropriate for you, or that your best career match is among those listed here.

Possible Career Paths for the ENFJ:

Facilitator

Consultant

Psychologist

Social Worker / Counselor

Teacher

Clergy

Sales Representative

Human Resources

Manager

Events Coordinator

Sales Representative

Politicians / Diplomats

Writers

The Giver P2

ENFJ Relationships

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ENFJs put a lot of effort and enthusiasm into their relationships. To some extent, the ENFJ defines themself by the closeness and authenticity of their personal relationships, and are therefore highly invested in the business of relationships. They have very good people skills, and are affectionate and considerate. They are warmly affirming and nurturing. The excel at bringing out the best in others, and warmly supporting them. They want responding affirmation from their relationships, although they have a problem asking for it. When a situation calls for it, the ENFJ will become very sharp and critical. After having made their point, they will return to their natural, warm selves. They may have a tendency to "smother" their loved ones, but are generally highly valued for their genuine warmth and caring natures.

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ENFJ Strengths

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Most ENFJs will exhibit the following strengths with regards to relationship issues:

• Good verbal communication skills
• Very perceptive about people's thoughts and motives
• Motivational, inspirational; bring out the best in others
• Warmly affectionate and affirming
• Fun to be with - lively sense of humor, dramatic, energetic, optimistic
• Good money skills
• Able to "move on" after a love relationship has failed (although they blame themselves)
• Loyal and committed - they want lifelong relationships
• Strive for "win-win" situations
• Driven to meet other's needs

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ENFJ Weaknesses

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Most ENFJs will exhibit the following weaknesses with regards to relationships issues:

• Tendency to be smothering and over-protective
• Tendency to be controling and/or manipulative
• Don't pay enough attention to their own needs
• Tend to be critical of opinions and attitudes which don't match their own
• Sometimes unaware of social appropriateness or protocol
• Extremely sensitive to conflict, with a tendency to sweep things under the rug as an avoidance tactic
• Tendency to blame themselves when things go wrong, and not give themselves credit when things go right
• Their sharply defined value systems make them unbending in some areas
• They may be so attuned to what is socially accepted or expected that they're unable to assess whether something is "right" or "wrong" outside of what their social circle expects.

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ENFJs as Lovers

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"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." -- Rollo May ENFJs make warm, committed lovers who are willing to go to great lengths for the sake of "The Relationship". They're totally dedicated to the relationship, and to their partner, and have a special skill for warmth and affirmation which brings out the best in their mates. They take their commitments seriously, and are likely to put forth a lot of effort into making a relationship work once they have commited themselves to it. In the event that a relationship fails, the ENFJ will feel a lot of guilt, and take on blame for the failure, but they will move on with their lives with relative ease, without looking backwards. Since relationships are central to the ENFJ's life, they will be very "hands on" and involved with their intimate relationships. They may be in the habit of constantly asking their partner how they're doing, what they're feeling, etc. This behavior may be a bit smothering, but it also supports a strong awareness of the health (or illness) of the relationship.
Sexually, the ENFJ looks forward to intimacy as an opportunity to express love and caring. The ENFJ is generally very interested in the happiness and satisfaction of their partner. Because they achieve much of their personal satisfaction from making others happy, they're likely to be skilled lovers. Like other Judgers, the ENFJ is likely to follow a schedule for intimacy, and may be prone to becoming routinized. For the ENFJ, the most important aspect of a sexual encounter is the affirmation of love and affection.
Although the ENFJ will probably not ask for it, they need to be given sweet words and loving affirmation. Since they are so externally focused on serving people, they do not always pay attention to their own needs. Since much of their personal satisfaction comes from bringing happiness to others, they're able to ignore their own needs and still be happy much more easily than other types. However, if they focus entirely on giving without doing some taking, they may find themselves in an unhealthy, unbalanced relationship. They need to work on being aware of their needs, and being OK with verbalizing those needs to their partners.
A problem area for ENFJs in relationships is their very serious dislike of conflict. ENFJs will prefer to brush issues under the rug rather than confront them head-on, if there is likely to be a conflict. They are also likely to "give in" easily in conflict situations, just to end the conflict. They might agree to something which goes against their values just to end the uncomfortable situation. In such cases, the problem is extended and will return at a later time. The ENFJ needs to realize that the world will not end if there is a disagreement, and that dealing with things immediately initiates closure. Ignoring issues will not make them go away.
In general, the ENFJ is intensely and enthusiastically involved in their personal relationships. They bring fun and warmth into the equation, and are willing to work hard to make things work.
Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, ENFJ's natural partner is the INFP, or the ISFP. ENFJ's dominant function of Extraverted Feeling is best matched with a partner whose dominant function is Introverted Feeling. An ENFJ and INFP are ideally matched, because they share the Intuitive way of looking at the world, but the ENFJ and ISFP are also a very good match. How did we arrive at this?

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ENFJs as Parents

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"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth...
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable." -- Kahlil Gibran ENFJs take their parenting role very seriously. They consider the task of passing on values and goals to their children as paramount, and will strive to consistently be a good role model to their children. The ENFJ considers it their responsibility to make sure that their children turn out well. This characteristic, combined with the ENFJ's definite values and ideas about the way things should be, usually results in the ENFJ parent being rather strict, and having high expectations for the behavior of their children. On the other hand, the ENFJ is also warm and affectionate with their children, and very supportive and affirming. The ENFJ can also be counted on to take care of day-to-day necessities for their children.
It is not usually easy to be the child of an ENFJ. The ENFJ's life focus is centered in the sphere of relationships. They take their relationship roles very seriously. They are very "hands-on" in relationships, always monitoring it's progress. This behavior may be smothering to some individuals. ENFJs have very definite value systems, and well-defined ideas about what is right and what is wrong. Since they believe that part of their parental role involves passing their values and ideas to their children, and since they are so concerned and involved with their children, the ENFJ has a tendency to be a strict, controling parent, who is very aware of their children's actions. The ENFJ needs to remember to allow their children the room for growth which is necessary if they are to evolve into healthy, well-adjusted adults. With a bit of effort, it will be possible for the ENFJ to balance their need to pass their values and ideals down to their children with their children's need to develop as individuals.
The ENFJ will put forth a good amount of effort to make their children's home environment warm, comforting and cheerful. They will be ready with a kiss and a baid-aid for any hurt. Their normal attitude towards their children will be loyal, proud, warm, and affirming.
As is the case with most types, ENFJ parents may have problems with their children as they reach puberty. Their children will need more space at that age, and will begin to resent the over-protective tendencies of the ENFJ. This problem will be magnified in situations where the ENFJ is very manipulative. Since ENFJs are gifted with exceptional people skills and personal presence, some ENFJ individuals who are not supported by life's circumstances get into the habit of using these skills for personal gain to get what they want or need out of situations. As they grow older, their children will inevitably see the manipulative tendencies for what they are, and will begin to question their parents' value systems, and strongly resent being forced to comply with a set of values which may be somewhat hippocritical. The manipulative ENFJ, who still has strongly-held values which they are driven to pass to their children, may then find themselves "a day late and a dollar short". As an ENFJ, your best bet is to be aware of your type's manipulative tendancies and to make every effort that you are not using them in a negative way.
Usually, the ENFJ has nothing but the best intentions with regards to their children. They are remembered by their children as very warm and supportive (although strict), and are valued for passing on their goals and ideals.

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ENFJs as Friends

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ENFJs are warm, sociable people who are keenly in tune with other people's feelings and perspectives. They enjoy supporting and bringing out the best in others. They are energetic and fun to be with. They seek authenticity in their close relationships, and are very sensitive to the needs of others. All of these characteristics make the ENFJ valued by their peers as a warm, supportive and giving friend.
ENFJs are interested in all sorts of people, and are likely to be able to understand and relate to all of the personality types. The will excel at getting along with all sorts of people when the situation demands that they do so. However, they will not choose to spend their personal time around all of the types. They may resist spending a lot of time with Sensing Perceiving types, whose carefree "live for the moment" attitude may conflict with the ENFJ's strongly held value system. When seeking companionship that is not romantic, ENFJs will be drawn to other Feelers who have similar values and ideas. Since they live in a people-oriented world, they are not comfortable with objective judgments which do not consider people issues. Consequently, ENFJs are not likely to have close friendships with strong Thinking types. They will be likely to especially enjoy the company of other iNtuitive Feelers, as well as Sensing Judgers.

The Giver

Portrait of an ENFJ - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
(Extraverted Feeling with Introverted Intuition)

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The Giver

As an ENFJ, you're primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in primarily via your intuition. 

ENFJs are people-focused individuals. They live in the world of people possibilities. More so than any other type, they have excellent people skills. They understand and care about people, and have a special talent for bringing out the best in others. ENFJ's main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people. They are focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others. They make things happen for people, and get their best personal satisfaction from this. 

Because ENFJ's people skills are so extraordinary, they have the ability to make people do exactly what they want them to do. They get under people's skins and get the reactions that they are seeking. ENFJ's motives are usually unselfish, but ENFJs who have developed less than ideally have been known to use their power over people to manipulate them. 

ENFJ's are so externally focused that it's especially important for them to spend time alone. This can be difficult for some ENFJs, because they have the tendency to be hard on themselves and turn to dark thoughts when alone. Consequently, ENFJs might avoid being alone, and fill their lives with activities involving other people. ENFJs tend to define their life's direction and priorities according to other people's needs, and may not be aware of their own needs. It's natural to their personality type that they will tend to place other people's needs above their own, but they need to stay aware of their own needs so that they don't sacrifice themselves in their drive to help others. 

ENFJ's tend to be more reserved about exposing themselves than other extraverted types. Although they may have strongly-felt beliefs, they're likely to refrain from expressing them if doing so would interfere with bringing out the best in others. Because their strongest interest lies in being a catalyst of change in other people, they're likely to interact with others on their own level, in a chameleon-like manner, rather than as individuals.
Which is not to say that the ENFJ does not have opinions. ENFJs have definite values and opinions which they're able to express clearly and succinctly. These beliefs will be expressed as long as they're not too personal. ENFJ is in many ways expressive and open, but is more focused on being responsive and supportive of others. When faced with a conflict between a strongly-held value and serving another person's need, they are highly likely to value the other person's needs. 

The ENFJ may feel quite lonely even when surrounded by people. This feeling of aloneness may be exacerbated by the tendency to not reveal their true selves.
People love ENFJs. They are fun to be with, and truly understand and love people. They are typically very straight-forward and honest. Usually ENFJs exude a lot of self-confidence, and have a great amount of ability to do many different things. They are generally bright, full of potential, energetic and fast-paced. They are usually good at anything which captures their interest. 

ENFJs like for things to be well-organized, and will work hard at maintaining structure and resolving ambiguity. They have a tendency to be fussy, especially with their home environments. 

In the work place, ENFJs do well in positions where they deal with people. They are naturals for the social committee. Their uncanny ability to understand people and say just what needs to be said to make them happy makes them naturals for counseling. They enjoy being the center of attention, and do very well in situations where they can inspire and lead others, such as teaching. 

ENFJs do not like dealing with impersonal reasoning. They don't understand or appreciate its merit, and will be unhappy in situations where they're forced to deal with logic and facts without any connection to a human element. Living in the world of people possibilities, they enjoy their plans more than their achievements. They get excited about possibilities for the future, but may become easily bored and restless with the present.
ENFJs have a special gift with people, and are basically happy people when they can use that gift to help others. They get their best satisfaction from serving others. Their genuine interest in Humankind and their exceptional intuitive awareness of people makes them able to draw out even the most reserved individuals. 

ENFJs have a strong need for close, intimate relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort in creating and maintaining these relationships. They're very loyal and trustworthy once involved in a relationship. 

An ENFJ who has not developed their Feeling side may have difficulty making good decisions, and may rely heavily on other people in decision-making processes. If they have not developed their Intuition, they may not be able to see possibilities, and will judge things too quickly based on established value systems or social rules, without really understanding the current situation. An ENFJ who has not found their place in the world is likely to be extremely sensitive to criticism, and to have the tendency to worry excessively and feel guilty. They are also likely to be very manipulative and controling with others. 

In general, ENFJs are charming, warm, gracious, creative and diverse individuals with richly developed insights into what makes other people tick. This special ability to see growth potential in others combined with a genuine drive to help people makes the ENFJ a truly valued individual. As giving and caring as the ENFJ is, they need to remember to value their own needs as well as the needs of others.

Happy New Year!

Is a new year! :)
Abigail be joining us in a month plus to 2 months time! Life will be different with her ard.. I only hope she will be easy to handle. :)

Last day of 2012 was spent catching the fire works! Though carrying a big tummy, am so happy to be able to watch fireworks again! Thanks to hub who brought me though I know is not what he enjoys.. Hope this year end, we can catch it again! It brought me back memories of the past, which I shall call it the kelissa days! :)

As this is a new yr, what's my new year resolution? Better be thinking before fri.. :)