i am tired... really... by all the qns and i dunno how to answer them anymore. i may chose to frustrate it instead. sorry if i vented it on you, i really think i did.

i was approached like last year regarding this and since then, many who knows me came to ask if i am going to take over. i think am tired of being in the lime light at times, esp when ppl ask "what's going to happen after she step down?? oh JAMI taking over is it? good good!"
when i qns "why me??" - "because only you and you are the best option" (i qns if this is from God?) somehow i don't really like the reply, it seems like a best way out, without considering my feelings and my thoughts.

many tried to talk me out into this, honestly i didnt want to pick it up because i will surely come to the same situation as of now some years later. and i do know myself, i do have my insecurities - i feel that i am not strong enough (emotionally though i may not show it). yes, friends said they will be there (and i am a team player, i do need support - physically there). i appreciated that. i do appreciate too when ppl have that faith and trust in me that i can do a good job or i can be a good leader. i do appreciate when ppl i hardly work with finds me a great person to work with. i give this glory to God for making who i am. but, is this the reason for ministry?

ministry to me is a commitment - at least 2 yrs. have i become a need to the company? outsiders see it as this. and i do appreciate ur 8 reasons to me, really... i am touched by ur sharing, love ya k, i nearly teared, yes! am really sorry, but thanks alot for the trust in me.

says:
hear me out
JAMI. says:
ok..
I cut off my pony tail says:
1. to me it must be in a hand of a resposible person.
2. The one must know it very well, cos it's a company which had been running for more that 10yrs
3. The one must know the current problem in it, so that changes can be make when she take over.
3b. This is the most important because i have been in it long enough to know that there are lots of changes to make it better.
4. The one must have a heart for it, not just take up because she wants to serve GOD, but out of LOVE for this company and wants to serve GOD through it. Not through it to serve GOD.
5. The one of the it must have very gd coummiuncation with sch, becos we all know that all the teachers that comes in dont last.
5b. to make teachers that comes in have a feeling like home and be devoted to our work, the one must be extrem humble to hear others point of view of
5c. this has been a major promble in my point of view, and i think this will cos great change inthe gals involvement too. See EC case, when she influnces us so much, guided us so much
6. The one must have gd relationship and commuication with church too. it now is lack of someone who can commuincate with church and the current one is not having a too gd relationship with current church now.
6b. Even though one is not from the church, she should still keep in close contact with church. I would not say that the current one is not doing that, cos i dont know. But i know that this will be a great challange for the future one.
6c. Even that a challange if the one is humble, GOD house will not stir up in it becos GOD is incharge and he will not allow this to happen.
6d. From what i know, church have no woman or full time staff who is capable of taking up this responsibilty.
7. The one of it must be able to see and plan a future this company, someone who can see what level should this company be brought to.
8. The one must be a gd accountant, to take care of the company spending and funds.

says:
from all the 8 pointes above ~ these are what i think a one of it should be
says:
some how ~ you have meet them
says:
i listed them for you not that i want you to take up
says:
but from a person who loves it and i know for sure i am not the one who will take over deep from the bottom of my heart
says:
that for sure
says:
so to me the one of it must be like this wheather izzit you or someone eles, for we know the situation better than anyone
says:
So i guess this is also y i ask you to take up the post, not because there is only you, but rather is only you who can do it.
says:
\Not everyone can do it, of cos there will be someone better than you who can do the job
says:
but to me you look like you are plan to do it, i see a growth in it in future when i think of it in the hands of yours
says:
becos you have the passion for these gals and you the most humble person i met whom i believe can stand btw the gap of sch and it
says:
it will also growth in yr hands becos you know what is best for her and you know what she is lack of and what she needs.
says:
like a mother
says:
i truly believe in this
says:
let GOD's will be done and not mine


*the above is an unedited version of the convo, i hesitated if i should post this or post and change blog! but well, to me nothing to hide, perhaps is just someone's point of view. i dont doubt my own leadership, some do know i dont have the confidence as well. yes, the solution is pray and ask God for strength, i do know not that i did not do it, but to me this is not the priority yet. i am glad with what i am doing right now, i think i need a break from there. this reminded me ru sent me an article and spent time with me to understand what a leader should be. honestly, i really do think i cant cos i am not a far sighted person, i just shared recently that even my own life plan is till before i turn 25... i dont even know if i can see that far in other areas.

ok, i think i seem vexed, a little by all the questions being asked when ppl sees me. i dunch know, let the last sentence, let God's plan be done. so can stop asking me? ask God?? (: