Spice Girls

"Viva Forever"

Do you still remember
How we used to be
Feeling together, believe in whatever
My love has said to me
Both of us were dreamers
Young love in the sun
Felt like my saviour, my spirit I gave ya
We'd only just begun

Hasta Manana,
Always be mine

[Chorus:]
Viva forever, I'll be waiting
Everlasting, like the sun
Live forever,
For the moment
Ever searching for the one

Yes I still remember,
Every whispered word
The touch of your skin, giving life from within
Like a love song that I'd heard
Slipping through our fingers,
Like the sands of time
Promises made, every memory saved
Has reflections in my mind

Back where I belong now,
Was it just a dream
Feelings unfold, they will never be sold
And the secret's safe with me

Merry Christmas!

Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas! (:

This time of the year for me is usually the same every year! Christmas eve service, out with friends and home late. After which will be another family gathering either before christmas or on Christmas day itself. (: i nv get bored of doing this.. afterall my life is filled with family and friends. Next year, there will be an addition, haa.. i reminded aunt next year she needs to prep an additional Christmas present! (: i cannot wait for 2013 to come, it is like a new year, a new beginning, of cos with the addition of the little one, things will be different. No matter what, i will always be loving her...

This year brought dad and mom to service, well i hope to bring them more frequent if possible. (: am thankful that they came, the last visit was perhaps on my wedding.

This is also the time of the year whereby usually wen-wei will ask us to do our reflections. realised i didnt ask the girls to do :P as for me, i dont wish to write about this year, i didnt like this year. maybe because of this, i didnt suggest to the girls to write abt it. This year is a year where i prep myself for the next stage of life, it is also a year whereby i was hit to the bottom of my life, nv was i felt so betrayed and unwanted. i thank God for his reminders to me each time i indulged in self-pity. Is a journey i chose, i will stay by it and to honour God. Through this, i have felt stronger be it in faith or towards the future. I know the responsibility i have ahead of me and the role i have to play. God, please continue to guide me and show me the path.

i actually miss the dating days, always thought i am kinda like a dinosaur to date only after uni. i 'dated' once in JC, however also because of it that i flopped. Maybe, maybe, i should have dated longer...

Care but not love

I think that is what I am feeling... am i too emotional or sensitive? I can feel the difference from before. Will I become like this too? Care but not love? no affirmation; and  sometimes I wonder is it worth me doing it. But I know God wanted me to. I just know. It needed 2 hands to clap...

Kaleo camp ended! Well... this year lesser helpers, also due to some events that clashed which made bun a little more worried than usual. I did much lesser this year, not staying in and helped in 1 worship session. However, I was able to spend time talking to the girls more this year. Well, last night @ camp and usually more emotions this day. Girls cried but not because of touched by spirit but due to many various reasons.

The father came but received different reactions, i can see he didnt feel good either, well he should have predicted. But i am not qualify to judge him, am sinner too. I know she will be affected and true enough she walked away when she saw him. I didn’t see them talked at all. I heard in the bus, no exchange of eye contact and not a word came out from her mouth. I dunno how I should be helping her. To forgive and move on? I understand the hurt she is going through. Seeing her made me feel sad, I know what will happen if we were to have a heart to heart talk, I will cry with her. Looking back, I shared with him, I didn’t want it to happen to us. I dunno what the future hold because I dunno if u will promise to stay away, to be accountable. But each time I asked, the answer is dunno. Dunno sound insecure, if u know is wrong, u will keep ur heart away isn’t it? I also dunno how long I can sustain with so much uncertainty. I trust each day to the Lord, but is this going to be an everyday submission to Him? My fear: Future.

*Abigail kicked again*

How different will this Christmas be? I also dunno... think will be different... duh! -.-

But all I want for Christmas is that he can experience Him again, and to be able to attend the service.

Dream

Hmm today watch TV and heard the guy mentioning abt his dream girl. Hmmm reminded me of the convo we had some time back... it was hurtful and hard to swallow having to hear it.. of cos many thoughts came to mind.. It has been a while.. and yea guess things get better slowly.. and is different from how it used to be.. shopping, movies, meals... Ever wonder what's mine? Guess I wanted to be assured too.. Just some random thoughts to pen away... Shower!

Pretty Aint It?

Haa.. trying if I can load an image.. and I found the necklace! Haa... when I was young, I hope to receive one from my future bf. But the bf got me a nice pair of earrings which I love very much too...

I wish.... I wish..... I wish....

The hub still rem i needed ice cream when am down, hence he brought me to siglap hagen das ytd! (: thanks for that... i really appreciate though you are already so tired. well, one wish down from what i was hoping this week! :P

i wish.... i wish.... i really wish to go on holiday soon... just want to be away for a while... 

sometimes i wonder what it be like if i go on my own, of cos i know now is an impossible thing to go alone. i will think i want the space and environment to think, to let go, and to just immerse myself in a slow moving pace. now i have work keeping me occupy, so what's after work? most of the time is nth.. really hope to join a bs grp soon, will wait for an opportunity. then again, i dont want ppl to ask me how is he doing, this is refraining me from joining another grp... 

this yr christmas, i wish for something different. God, please hear from me... 

all i wish for christmas is that he find the way back to Your Heart. 

God i have my own fear, of what the future brings, but God i pray You go before us and lead the way. 

honestly, sometimes when we talked abt the 2nd child, i am scare.. i am scare to go through the same thing again. i am also scare to let him know, i dunno if he will understand i need time and assurance.

i really hope Abigail and with the transition of having our own little place will improve the situation. and i do hope he be out of the team. out of sight, out of mind. *abigail just kicked*

sometimes i admit i do entertain the thoughts of the worst, and i agree that things are not the same anymore (better? worst? i dunno) even though i find myself wanting to show love even if it is a simple hug. i also find myself reminiscing the past. but i also know he is trying and i appreciate all that he has done, even a simple message that he thought of me. *she kicked again*

to the baby now... 

had many hand-me-down clothes for her. i am thinking as the day draw nearer, i may not be able to resist myself and buy her a cute little romper! (: but just dunno if she can fit, will it be too small cos she is chubby or too big cos she is so skinny? (: life is so amazing, the thought of how it came from just the sperm and egg, and it leads to where i am today, there must be someone who created it.. 

alright.. time for bed... am tired.... night..

Starry Sky

missing the stars at night... and the cooling breeze.... (:
nice picture right? like diamonds in the sky...

Ice cream please?

Ice Cream Time! Upsetting! 

Bud is back today, I know she is swamped by the emails and work pending. Why must MS treat her this way? What you don’t know, ask the person who sent the email out! And not go beside and bitch abt it!!! Urgh... if I am bud, I will be super upset, maybe break down... yes, I admit I also has a part to play for bud’s stress. Really don’t like this bunch of ppl and I refuse to join in lunch today. had my cup noodles instead...

Another issue that I struggled with, I dunno if our closeness led him to make the decision to apply for AP position. But if it is, then I am sorry to say the basis is so wrong and I wont be here forever. Not sure I should let him know too abt my plan next year. Ahmina shared before she is willing to quit her job and to follow another supervisor, but I am not a good one haa... I asked, he said he is happy with the load now and the things he did and is doing for me. I hope it is true!

I nv had such a feeling for work... even back at JCD is e most just sian but I love the friends I made. Curtin is a different one, came and gone so fast. The only memories I have at curtin was perhaps the lunch time where I packed from home, the cashier time -.- and the time I managed to contact the bf (think he was in Taiwan) to say I have an offer! Well, he be going again coming Jan... I rem posting my feelings when he left me for the 1^st time for 3 weeks too... time flies... soon I be interviewed and offered again...  

Yes speaking of time, so fast am gg to upgrade status. Haa the bump is making me buang-ing myself against my table when I sit right in or getting up! Will she be stupid-er because of this? :P anyway I do hope u be a blessing to the family. A bundle of joy. One that brings the family tog. As the name we have for you, Abigail, Father’s joy, I do hope the teaching we impart to you will indeed help you to bring joy to the Father. My prayer that God be with us as we move to parenting, be with the family as we build this tog.

Oh, did I mention anywhere the hse is coming in Q2? Is fast isn’t it! Hmmm.. somehow I have a tinge of feeling things may not be as simple as what I think. And of cos life is also full of uncertainties. I ever once thought of giving this hse up before. I am quite a simple person. I just wanted to have a place of our own; I can prep the meals and wait for meals tog.

Counting down to Christmas!!

Thank God for the little blessing...

Wanted to drink soy milk but am lazy to get it, and I came to office to see a cup of soy milk! (: is nice to be thought of or to be on someone’s mind. Don’t blame me if u get fat!!

No plan for tonight again... is so boring nowadays... feel like doing something but am restricted... I have a bicycle but I cannot cycle... >.< I have a car but is so wasting of petrol... I have things to buy but no money... haha! Really need to get a life before I feel myself changing! 

I bought a pair of sneakers! So happy when I got it! Yes, ppl say shouldn’t buy since my feet will be swollen... but I just wanted to get for walking! :P am gg to try wearing it this weekend! So happy. Gonna pamper myself to doing something again, maybe a mani/pedi session this weekend, hmm but my kaki is away haa.. awww you are missed!

Christmas is coming!! (: my happiest festival is coming.. not just because of one child who was borne and made a difference, also because is a season filled with joy and giving and sales! Always looking forward to it, splurging on myself and others! (: what do I want for Christmas, yes I know I have something I always wanted! (: but I always look and nv buy because if I do buy, it will burst the budget to spend for this season L... This is also a season why I am always made to do resolution for the year, and it reminded me have I done what I wanted to do this year? Time to look at last year’s resolution! :P

Longing for a holiday soon too... I have hmmmm abt 16 days of leave (: really wish to be able to fly!!

A simple story

i was looking through some old entries to see how much i have grown/changed. i chanced upon this story... i read and i teared. i felt i have neglected many who needed my time when they were all i have some many years back. i am glad i still have some who journeyed with me thus far, and particularly some whom i never knew i will grow closer with.

i hope this story will remind me of the time i will give to the family.

Can I Borrow $25?

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated,
to find his 5-yearold son waiting for him at the door.

SON: 'Daddy, may I ask you a question?'
DAD: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the man.
SON: 'Daddy, how much do you make an hour?'
DAD: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the man said angrily.
SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'
DAD: 'If you must know, I make $50 an hour.'
SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.

SON: 'Daddy, may I please borrow $25?'
The father was furious,
'If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don't work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.'

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.
The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions.

How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down ,
and started to think: Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $25.00 and he really didn't ask for money very often.

The man went to the door ofthe little boy's room and opened the door. 'Are you asleep, son?' He asked.
'No daddy, I'm awake,' replied the boy.
'I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the man.
'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $25 you asked for.'

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you daddy!' he yelled.
Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.
The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.
The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

'Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the father grumbled.
'Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied.
'Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.'

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness. It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent sometime with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $50 worth of your time with someone you love.

Mariah Carey - I Want To Know What Love Is

Chanced upon this on my way to work....

gotta take a little time  
A little time to think things over  
I better read between the lines  
In case I need it when I'm colder  

In my life there's been heartache and pain  
I don't know if I can face it again  
Can't stop now, 
I've traveled so far  
To change this lonely life 

I wanna know what love is  
I want you to show me  
I wanna feel what love is  
I know you can show me  

I'm gonna take a little time 
A little time to look around me  
I've got nowhere left to hide  
It looks like love has finally found me 
In my life there's been heartache and pain 
I don't know if I can face it again I can't stop now, 
I've traveled so far  
To change this lonely life  

I wanna know what love is  
I want you to show me  
I wanna feel what love is  
I know you can show me  
I wanna know what love is 
I want you to show me 
And I wanna feel, I want to feel what love is  
And I know, I know you can show me  
Let's talk about love  
I wanna know what love is, the love that you feel inside  
I want you to show me, and I'm feeling so much love 
I wanna feel what love is, no, you just cannot hide I know you can show me, yeah

This Day...

I am so excited for hui... the anxiousness within her is something I can resonate as I recall the eve of the day. I had only 4 hrs of sleep and at this time I guess I was in bed eyes wide opened! :) I also rem we broke the whatever tradition of not seeing each other the night before when I realised the bouquet is at my hse so bro drove me down..
did u rem what was your feeling then?

Back to hui, am glad this time round it is happening. :) this yr I get to see 2 very close friends settling down.. am happy they found the one who they are growing old with. :) isn't it sweet to see ppl coming tog forming family and growing old tog? Am sure they will too.. :)

Haa... Raq texted today, other than my sis and mag, perhaps she is the next who is so excited over my unborn child.. she was telling me how blessed she think I am, to be able to start a family and she yearns to! Wow, she is only 23!!! Haa but is good to start young as per some says since healthier.. I somehow felt maybe she came a little early but is okie God will bring me through whatever that is to come.. :)

An opportunity came for me to ask how he is doing.. felt I needed to know and wanted him to know how I feel... otherwise sometimes I dunno how I should be treating him? As I said I do my part, my part means to show love and I think my love language is also touch. I dunno if I should even be giving a simple hug/kiss, will it be shan away or love be felt? I didnt want to do something when the love is not there.. it made me feel unwanted.. Am glad he shared he felt bad, because he is not what I used to think he was 3 months ago. I really hope he can come before God himself, not sth we can help or know if he had but sth only he knows for it is what he tells God..

Father, please don't pass him by... Work is still hectic for him... I don't rem him working so hard during dating time, there's always time for supper.. well, change of environment and expectation..
sometimes I worry what if he can't be there when I am in labour because he chose work over me? I think I will really be sad if there is any risk for me and he is not there..

Okie, bed time soon... looking at our wedding pic hung on e wall... we were really happy when we looked into each other's eyes that day..

A prayer to Him

Sometimes I felt when I needed you, but you wasn’t around like last night.. I cant help but compare why u will leave that night.

I didn’t feel good at work, don’t like to face issue with colleagues at work, especially the petty ones. Okie, having said this, I should stop grumbling, after all so many days passed! I don’t feel like having lunch with them. Sometimes I think I am over reliance, but I rem you used to say it is okie for me to rely on you. I missed times at jcd when I don’t feel like lunching with anyone, you are there. Hmm, I feel I cannot rely on you, because you will fail me, just like i may fail you too. Surely, only God doesn’t fail, I just need to find my source of comfort when I am down to remind me that. 

I am not just the only one feeling lousy at work. Hub is too. I guess he is having a harder time than I do. Sorry that I am of no help to you. I can only be praying that God help him to pull through this tiring period. I dunno where is he with You, but I see that God is blessing Him. God, I ask You show him the path and allow him to see Your hands at work. For the things You have called him to do, will You give him the strength required and help along the way.

God, all I ask is You bless the little one that is coming and bless our family.