:(

Today met L.. was told the reason why she and Daniel didn't work out well.. she fell in love with a married man (mm). I was shocked as i didnt see it coming to friends ard me and had a big reaction.. I was upset too.. L mentioned nth happened to them as she sensed sth weird abt mm and backed off then. She asked why mm will behave like this. I shared with her my perspective and glad she didn't carry it further. Now she is afraid of mm because of the stupid things he will do to her, even pouring water on her table. Period. I can sense she still loves Dan but I also know he needs time. I always felt Dan is a good man, one of the few guys I met I classified as good. L felt mm was showing concern and able to share her issues at work wheras dan cant. I just felt it could be the stagnant-feel they facr in their 7yrs journey. However, Am glad L shared with me the truth, and I am able to share with her some beliefs I hold from the bible. Hai.. now I dunno how to Dan will react when I return the stuff to him... how fragile a relationship can be...

(:

Alot of things on my mind again... what’s new...


L asked me should she return the necklace since she is returning the ring to him. Well to me, if I am her, I wont be wearing it esp since is a past relationship, so why not return and perhaps he can decide what to do with it? Moreover, I am a sentimental person, guess I wont want to have it reminding me of the past. However, I was thrown with another option, why not keep it lest he be digging to see what other stuff to return and sour the whole ‘friendship’ – if it still exists.

This short conversation kept me thinking, I kept it away too... because I am unsure abt the things that was told to me then – the desires and promises. I think it bottoms down to insecurity, yea and me not being trusting enough.

Recent devotions and sermons have been speaking to me, I admit I judge and who am I to judge? I judge things around me based on my own standards; I should apply these standards to myself too. It begins to reveal who I really am, like what pastor said is either I change my name or I change my behaviours. When I was preparing for the kaleo session, I wondered why these ppl will willing to die for their faith, I think I beginning to see some light again. The things of the earth is temporary, the time we have here is a passing phase. How we live it, how we ‘document’ it

Well, many ppl are talking to me abt their holiday plans! So shiok aint it!! :P dunno if I am able to go... been wanting a place to relax and I want to sun-tan! Haa boo said I am adventurous, maybe cos I am captivated by the beauty of creation – the rising sun shining in the morning. At least, I am thankful to be able to catch a glimpse of the morning sun on Friday @ Sentosa before the afternoon sunshine is out. Though is warm and hot, I do enjoy the time, not sure if u do...

I think I beginning to like Abigail Ling... haa... should I relive our blog? I stopped since caught with work and wedding prep then... hmmm but I don’t want only I am excited to journey it down...

Okie... she is kicking again!

a Failure

I feel like a failure. Not doing well with so many things on mind.


ACE is not doing as well as I expected. Work wise I felt I am running it by myself. Family wise I also felt that I am a failure.

Maybe my nature should not be seen by others as I am nice. I am not capable of anything.

One good thing that happened perhaps is Twelve Cupcakes. I didn’t expect to receive it. Dunno why this Twelve Cupcakes meant something to me, I mentioned it before but I didn’t get to try it.

He decided to be away during this weekend for time alone.. I wasnt hoping it will happen because I am afraid to find sth else.. but I chose to trust. Somehow when I am alone I will think of it.. I think I am just fearful to go through it again. I was browsing through my yahoo mail n memories of the emails we used to send was brought back...

Ready-ness

For once I am feeling so afraid. Will I be able to carry my role? Will I be able to do a well done job? I do not know.. the thought of it makes me scare.. I didn't feel like this when we plan to have one, now that it is coming, it is an addition to the family. Ahhh.. I scare I cannot handle well.... As for the other thing that is on my mind, I commit to the Lord. The things that are floating on my mind I give it all away. For what can I give you what God has given me? Grace and mercy and love is not what I deserve from God but He gave. Indeed, I will strive to and continue to show that.. Father, please show me and reveal Yourself to me. My soul is thirsty for You.. On a side note, I really hope to go on a holiday. Missed the US trip.. hmm..

bb girl..

After the check up ytd, we confirmed the new born coming next year end feb is a bb girl.

I am so thankful to know that she is growing well and everything is safe thus far. Of cos, I will still worry about how she will be when she is out since all this is not possible to see through the scans.

It also suddenly dawn on me that I am going to be a mommy soon... 

I feel scare and with a tinge of sadness. I feel I have not dated enough... or maybe I don’t feel love thus I am feeling this way... not sure... 

Am so tired, felt like everyone is draining me, I started venting at work. Is a bad sign. I don’t wish to talk about it. If possible, I just want to be left alone and sleep through everything. Will everything be ok after a sleep? My childhood fantasy again...

God, only You know how I feel. I commit each feeling to You.

I feel like crying... feel like having my mint ice cream... 

manyathought

Many thoughts.. dunno where to begin also.. I trusted ppl unless proven otherwise.. to date, this theory still holds, silly? I dunno. I know is not an easy time now. I have waited and I feel God is moving things.. I beginning to feel God is answering prayers. Maybe is true that ppl ard may get impatient.. therefore we should wait. Hmmm will things be back to normal? Lord, how long do I wait and what will unfold? I hope things be back to how it used to be.. it didn't feel good to feel what I am feeling and of cos I do ask:"God, why?" I only wanted a simple life.. one who cares and dotes...