Unappreciated

Yea this is what I feel.. 

Since u didn't want to talk abt it and I don't think you will get it. Neither do I want to start another phone war.. I was very defensive because I want to protect myself. It is coming to a month, but I didn't hear u said anything encouraging to me. It was always, "what new stuff is Abby trying?" "You should start a routine" "this routine is not working" "you should this this this and that that that" "Adrian's bb can do this" "Adrian'wife is doing this and that" it felt like all the things I am doing is not right. Is like at work, I don't receive praises for doing a job well done. Or i don't get any encouragement for making progress. Thus it made me feel lazy to even want to try anything, might as well just wait and let u nag. 

U are making comparison and indirectly putting pressure on me. Did u know? No doubt, u didn't scold me when Abby fell. I think if u did it be much more worst, esp the aftermath I had to face when ppl starts to ask what happened. 

I really dunno what it means to be a good mom or even a wife that u expected. I already tried my best, to accommodate, to compliment. Don't start a phone war with me if u read this. Not happy with it or felt unjust, nvm leave it. I be fine after a sleep. 

Tired. Sleep. 12 12 already.. 

Cannot get to sleep..

Is late but I can't get to sleep. 

Feeling hungry and some feeling within me that I dunno how to put it to words. 

I dunno if I had said the wrong things to someone in depression. >.< haven heard a reply, so just hope she is doing okie. Didn't know her for very long, but she was willing to share with me, interesting. 

Maybe she is causing me to lose sleep too, kinda worried for her.. 

Hungry..... Sleep..... 

Whenever I m unwell I like to put on my super oversized pullover since JC times. I felt it reminds me of daddy when I wear it because dad put it on before and qns me why do I buy such a big one! :D

1 week past Abby's fall :( thank God for protecting... 

Stop the clock (Peter Marsh)

Try to stop the clock from turning

Everyday we keep on learning

There's a better way for us to live

We are young and open hearted

We can't stop the change has started

Make the world a better place to live

Even though the time is on our side

There is a no place where we can hide

We know that there is just one way

Stop the clock and think about it

We are young and we can shout it loud

So everyone can see

Stop the clock and think about it

We are young and we can shout it loud

Make the world a better place to live

Stop the clock and think about it

We are young and we can shout it loud

So everyone can see

Stop the clock and think about it

We are young and we can shout it loud

Make the world a better place to live

A better place for you and me

Hmmm

Hmmm.. Finally tired.... Goodnight... 

Bored.... 

Sian... 

Hmmm.... Haha..

Dec is coming!

Dec is coming marks 2 occasion. A time of giving and feasting and of cos is the celebration of my last day at work. Not exactly celebration, ppl are telling Abby to celebrate instead. Well, I guess is a new calling, a new job. Wish me all the best because is a life we are talking abt here. I usually like Christmas season, but dunno why is feeling a-little-dunno-how-to-describe. Hmmm... A tinge of unhappy, not sad, not moody. Hmmm dunno... Hopefully it goes away.

My Christmas tree! Guess it looks nicer now then the previous decoration. My first tree. So proud of my tree. 

Is late, should be sleeping but can't get to sleep. Hai................ 

Another night with just Abby and me..

So sad

Omg! I burnt 6 chicken.. Nvm worst is, it is inedible? :(

And Abby fell in front of me and got a bruise... :( 

Sian.......

Double Sian.... 

Ice cream time.......

What a day wasted!

I hated when promises made are not fulfilled! Worst to be cancelled at the last minutes and decided by mood. I hated it. Such a weekend and spent like this. U have ur moments of fun, why should I be deprived when I only have weekends to go out. Period! I should just go out with Abby. 

I wonder what Abby will react in future when u just changed ur mind like this.

I always ask myself why! Why do I want to make my life so hard. 

How mean can it be

A business "partner". How nice to use a term like this to hide a mistress. Is sad to keep hearing such stories. If u had known a wife who is kept in a the dark of the husband's business "partner" and yet the whole grp kept quiet abt it, how sad it is? Period. Disgust me. Such a whore "partner" and a jerk. 

What I pity most is the wife and the sons she bore. Being kept in the dark. How abt switching position with the woman out to play? Imagine having the sons grow up knowing what kind of a father they have. Why can't man be responsible for his own doing. Seriously, is maddening just to hear it! So what even if I can say all this, she isn't my friend. If she is, I sure to expose him in front of the wife and perhaps give the "partner" a tight slap for being a sucker. Yea perhaps she enjoys *sucking*, what a whore! 

Realized am getting super vulgar and especially toward women and men who are home wrecker. If you think ur heart cannot stay with one, don't settle down. It just hurt many hearts. If u didn't think then is just too bad, u are just such a bad planner. Period. WTS. Seriously how I wish I can expose him. So what if u are rich, it doesn't give u right to do it.  

So late

好想找个人来说说话! 可是太迟了！

Threaded some of the roads that I grew up with brought back so much memories. Reminded me of my growing up years! How fast time flies and how much I have grown. 

Somehow, the song "Lord, I offer my life" became a different meaning to me when I sang it again after a long time. Is such a different feeling to be singing this. I guess it mean I have really grown. 

Facts of life is sth I think I beginning to see. Random thoughts. Back to my paper. 

好可爱呵!! 

Ohhhhh hellooooo

Hasn't been blogging for a while!!

How can I not blog abt the little cutie.. :) 

Is so nice to know that you have a place where is filled with ppl who love you and ppl whom you love.. 

Hope u feel love cutie! 

I felt I didn't had time to do the things I need to do. On top of that, the phone had chose to go flat on the day when it should be fully utilized. Felt like the whole world is condemning me for not having the phone on. 

Teach so many times u also didnt get it. So frustrating. 

Don't ask further for comments when it is approved and no further amendments allowed. It is irritating. 

Had a scare for EC, published but not followed. Hai. 

Did not approve Sth in time. Felt so bad the entire day.

Tired. So many things and so much responsibilities. 

Didnt like what I am feeling..

Growing up

Not sure if I have posted this before. But is a reminder that Abby will grow. One day, she will not want us to carry her anymore.... Awwwwwww....

Sian

It is damn stupid to send the email to gebiz. Will gebiz even know that the supplier has changed uen? Seriously! I don't even know why u want me to do it. Is it my purview? Fine, I did it. 

I don't need u to step into my procurement. You don't have to consider how much involvement. I don't like to be in the same team as u, what more u see u. Freak. A few more times, that's it. I don't see u are leading me well. I rather run on my own. 

Am already not clever, don't need another email to make me look stupid. Yea, maybe I am stupid afterall. 

Sian. 

Period. 

Really hated it. 

All about Abby baby!

She is sooooo cute! She has learnt to flip n now she is exploring her lungs!! 

Such a smiley baby.. Thank God :)

心情

我只想把我的想法说出来.. 

我真的好不喜欢现在的model. 

The comments passed etc.. Maybe joking but I didn't like. It is the same as per what I encountered 2 yrs back. I will remain silent and less active until I find that confidence once again. 

对于你: 我觉得和事老应该多少有一点鼓励，而不是加盐加醋。不是应该平和大家的心情吗？一家人那来的各夜仇。可能真的是我不明白吧。但是那个人喜欢一直被讲？是你也不高兴。这一次应该是第三次了吧。好乱啊！

今天好sian,带着一个很不想上班的心情。好怀念我的ML... 

心情不太好时就想用华语.. 

老公的心情也不好。我不知道要怎么安为他。

Some thoughts

Have yet to pen my thoughts in a long while.. 

Work started. Well, it didnt happen the way I expected. Things move slow initially, then unwanted jokes/comments came, next to keep up to speed. The initial stage I almost didnt want to work. However, it is interesting to take on procurement. I learnt much and now gg on courses and making friends from other agency abt procurement. I think it is fun. :)

I missed Abby at work too! Awww having to call back whenever am free to check on her.. Missed taking care of her when she is with me.. :) 

Many a times I took for granted many things. Knowing abt what M&D is gg through, I dunno if I can make it through. They both displayed faith and love and support for each other is admirable. I am touched by it. D looks like a normal mom waiting for her boy's arrival. But deep in her, there must be alot of mixed feelings. I took for granted with my time with Abby. So fast, 16 weeks past. 

Seriously I hated it

I hated liars. Because I had a very bad experience. I hated it when I put 100% trust and in the end I found out is a lie. A lie is a lie. Whatever reason it is, if I asked and I was told a lie I will be very upset. Don't blame me for showing black face because it started from you.

How will I ever dare to put total trust? Is it that hard to speak the truth? Feels like men words cannot be trusted. Big fat liar. If that makes u happy, you can cont, I will discount whatever you said and I think that's the distance how far we can go.

Grandpa's demise

Grandpa lived a ripe old age of 98. I have no more maternal or paternal grandpa since 14, until I married Lawrence and I have the opportunity to call 'ah gong'. However, this ah gong had left us. He went in a peaceful manner which many ppl envy. 

How will I end my journey? Most impt this remind me of what legacy am I going to leave. Am sure ah gong left good memories and legacy to the children and grandchildren. :) 

Late night

Is late but I can't get to sleep. Alot of thoughts in my mind... Hmmm.. 

Feeling sian, feeling tired, feeling kinda alone.. 

Abby's first head up!

Usually for long naps, I will put Abby on her tummy. She will wake up with a cry because no one is helping her to get up. But ytd I found her head up so high! Awwww I am so proud of this little girl. Instead of disturbing her, I called mom and we both started taking photo of this girl! :) and of cos she doesn't smile when she see my polka dots cover -.- but after I removed it, she smiled at me!! Awww.. 

Wonder how many firsts I will be able to jot down for Abby! 

Today is also Abby's first time attending a church wedding! :) haaa she really can win ppl's hearts with her smiles.. :) good girl! She wore yi yi's new clothes for her and headband. :)