Abby is 1 month!

Helloooo Abby! :) u are 1 month old!
She has been a joy to most of our lives, we are happy, our families are excited.. :) she has been a joy with her smiles n cheeky face n chubby cheeks!

Abt me! :)

Realized these days my posting has been all abt Abby! Haha.. Yea cos she is such a sweetie pie to me! :) wanna rem a little abt myself..

Ever since the last encounter booked in on delivering little Abby, I am still in the recovering stage.. I still feel backache time to time, not sure if it is due to me standing/sitting too long instead of lying down. Sometimes these old wives tales are indeed true and better to follow.

Mom is indeed a great help during this period. Somehow when Abby is a little fussy, mom is able to put her to sleep so we both have peace during the day at HM to do our own stuff. Mom has been boiling drinks and herbal water for me to shower! Is indeed taxing, and also to cook my meals each day. Now I understand why some decided to go for tingkat for their second birth and have their mothers helping in just taking care of the baby. Mom is great and yet most of the times she has to withstand my grumbling and frustrations, esp when she has no knowledge and curious abt bf, yet I am impatient. Showering once a day does make me impatient since I still feel sweaty. I love my mom!!!

Many asked if I will go for another ytd. I do not know. I have my own fear to overcome which I think no one can understand. I am just thankful Abby is here and as she reveals her character, I hope she is joyful. As what they always say tai jiao, i am thankful as I think the preg process i was emo and down sometimes. However, i was reminded to commit to The Lord in prayer to remove my thoughts and somehow something is reminding me to stay joyful esp since abby is me. Maybe that's why Abby seems to be peaceful when I sang Jesus loves me to her haa..

Now, the next step is to decide if I am gg back to work full time, part time or not working and be a SAHM. Seeing Abby, I felt I want to care for her myself. Now I understand why all the returning moms are always missing their child at work. I am not back at work but I can feel it too. I realized I missed her even when I am out without her for a few hrs. Haa! Maybe she is still small, I didn't want to leave her alone. I dunno what I should do yet. Again, I have my insecurity hence stopping is not the top on my list like it used to be. Hai, I do feel I want to stay n care for her.. Such an irony, last yr I hope if I will have a baby, let it be this time so as to skip ACE go live and to be a SAHM.

Aiyo.. I dunno what to do... :x didn't like to make decision... Shall see what the hub has for input then. Hub is leaving the decision to me though, but I also feel is not easy for him if I were to stay HM completely. He will feel the stress esp seeing he can't be saving much and he doesn't have much left to satisfy his gadgets crave.. How can he live without his gadgets - that's killing him softly.. Well he may tell me he has his free lance but free lance as it says doesn't guarantee.. Hai...

1 more week to ACE live date! Haha will miss working with the consultants on this..

Abby's 1st month

Yay! Finally is over! :)
Am glad Abby didn't fuss or cry, otherwise I won't know what to do with her.. Thankfully, feeding was according to plan n she cooperate well. Thank God for that! :)

Abby received many gifts! :) thanks to relatives n friends for the gifts to her.. Am sure she will love it too..

Didn't take much photos but a few for memories.. :)

One thing i am really thankful was what I thought I will be disappointed, since it doesnt seem like an impt event, but it didn't turn out as what I expected.. Phew! at least it didn't change my perspective of her..

QT

I like my QT today: God is faithful..
Indeed, I hold on to this for my everyday living.. :)

Disappointment and heartache can be the tragic offspring of unfounded optimism. So interesting, I am still trying to resolve this.. I think it lingers in me because I am optimistic in nature.

Tml, we be throwing a celebration for Abby's full month. She is coming to a month old! :) how fast it is.. This little girl of mine is so cute!

Honestly, I am feeling disappointed. It felt like the event is not impt. Ok I am just ranting..

Post natal massage

Today marked the last day for my post natal massage! :) it is great, feeling the water retention seem to reduce, but the main culprit is still lingering ard :( have to do Sth abt it then...

Kak Zah is a nice lady who been through so much in her life. A lady of 7 children and having to bear so much, I feel for her.. She enjoys listening to other's life story so that she know each family has their struggles and she is not alone. Wow, but I feel what she went through is almost combination of what some families went through. She opened my eyes to another perspective. I wonder how she can cross over her struggles, maybe is her principles and her god-fearing character that helped..

Say goodbye to the humid wrap that caused me crises, itchiness, perspiration-ness, and of cos the usefulness for womb and tummy! :)

P/s: why care when the other doesn't care?

Abby baby!

The more I look at baby, the greater I fall in love with her! :)

God, please hear my prayer and teach me Your ways.. I want to follow the narrow path that leads me to You.. Hear me when I cry, guide me when I am lost..

Abby is 3 weeks old!!

My little Abby is 3 weeks old! :) whenever at this moment, I will rem the feeling that went through at the delivery room. I dunno if I will ever want to experience it again..

I m so happy with my own small achievement.. Congrats to myself :) now when I pump, I will fetch at least 50ml.. Am glad.. But as I try to reach Abby's feeding routine, is not enough.. Well..

I didn't like what I m feeling. Sometimes I hope when I wake up, I will find myself staring at the same old light.. But it will nv happen..

The little things in life

Once lived an old and poor couple in a little hut. One day, as they were taking water at the river bank, the old woman commented on the old man's torn and tattered clothes. They were very poor and the clothes they wore were one filled with many patches. The old woman decided to buy a new clothes for the Old man but he said:"this clothes contained precious memories... This patch was created when you gave birth to our 1st child and you were screaming and pulling my clothes.. This patch was created when I was playing with our 1st child.. This patch was created...".

It was just an old piece of clothes but it carried so much memories for the old couple. Live life simply, treasure the time we have with our loved ones. One day , when you pick up the piece of clothes, you may be reminded of the beautiful memories created.

A simple illustration but yet it brought about so much reflections :)
Today's devotion spoke to me again.. How I love to be able to apply what u have learnt! :) putting first thing first, putting God first before everything else. There are times I failed to, I allow my own emotions carried away and I regretted my actions thereafter. However, this reminder also taught me to commit Abby to God first. I don't have to be panicky over her well being but to commit her to The Lord first. :)

Father, I commit the family into Your hands that God You will keep the evil spirits away and help us to stay united as a family. As we wait for the plans to be unfold, may You grant us the wisdom and strength to persevere in the things we do and the things to come. Please watch over Abby as she grow each day, grant me wisdom to know more abt her well being and to trust You will provide for her need. Please be with law as he drives to work each day and grant him favor at work. Amen!

Interestingly, I still find it funny to say I am a mother of 1 daughter... Hmmm haha.. My cheeky little girl... :)

Many faces of Abby

I will hope to be able to capture all her smiles! :) but here is one of her many faces..

I love u Abby! *Muacks*

My QT

Dear Lord, thank You for speaking to me once again through devotion today. You have reminded me of my life verses, which I have put it at the back of my mind. Indeed, the tasks You called me to, You will enable me to. Father, help me to do them and allow me to play for roles well for those You have called me to. Amen.

I do feel I can't do everything. But God reminded me, He will see me finishing the race He called me to. I feel discouraged, tired, lonely in completing the race but He be there to journey with me. What a blessing to know my God will carry me through..

Dunno why recently I worry abt Abby's health. So much I have read, I also read of the negative part. One I have read is SIDS, I find myself checking if Abby is breathing each moment. Sometimes I feel her breath is loud and hard, thus I wanted to clear her nose. I really hope she be healthy and that I can at least see her growing till she settle down with a stable man for life.

Abby and me

Realized I didn't have much photos of myself and Abby Though I spent the most amount of time with her.. Therefore self take! Today, there's only Abby and me...

The pain..

It was difficult to know if Abby has enough. When she latched, if she didn't latch well, it is so painful. It felt like she had suck off the top layer of my skin and she still has to continue to suck. Before it heals, I have to offer for her to suck again. Sometimes, I really feel like pumping it out and bottle feed her. However, I also had limited supply. I really dunno how long I can last. It is frustrating esp when I am in pain and everyone tells me she is not having enough. Is tempting to just go for the easy way out. But today when I carry her, somehow I felt she is heavier.

Training the bb needs time. These few weeks it was mama who taught me managing Abby since every bb is different. To the ppl I spoke to, they all started when bb is into 2nd month. I have tried the methods we read, I was upset today that the hub screamed at me when all along I thought I have my pillar of comfort. Everything I have to do, these past weeks everything I did was for Abby. I didn't have a period off for myself. All I have was comments, suggestions, and when I thought all along I have support from the hub. Is it me being emotional? I don't think so.

I am tired. But seeing Abby gives me the strength. She was looking at me all the time when I tried to hide my tears.

My next proud moment?

I managed to capture Abby's smile! :) though maybe not the sweetest but more to come. She is such a joy.. :) *other than her bad cries* *tsk* life is nv a bed of roses huh..

Many wished to be like bb without worries and burdens, can just sleep and eat.. To be carried And served.. Haa. But when we grow up, there's more to life! :) I do enjoy my growing up years, and I am still growing up! :) I am enjoying each day with Abby and looking forward to having her join me for shopping!! :P the wonder of a daughter...

I prayed with Abby for the first time ytd! :) she was still and looked at me with wide open eyes. So cute!! :)
But I felt am still working to be a mother as best as I can for her. Sometimes I will feel I am a failure in areas pertaining to her, not as motherly as I thought I am. Hai.. And not as thoughtful la..

I do entertain thoughts like why are u asking for milk when u have just drank? Why are u crying and crying and cannot wait?

My QT for today..
Father, open my eyes to see my failings, open my heart
to receive Your discipline, and open my will to embrace
Your loving purposes. When I fall, I pray that You will
make me whole and restore my joy in You.

My proudest moment as a mother!

I am so proud of myself pumping my 1st 100ml!! The feeling I have holding the heavy 100ml in my hand is not one many can understand. :D

Life is so amazing and at the same tome unpredictable. From when I was 5 weeks preg, I saw a little small representation of Abby. Slowly each month i hear the heart beat to a weekly affair I see her chubby cheeks. And now she is out and 2 weeks old. Just heard of SY diagnosed with gestational diabetes which Alicia boo warned me against. SY had to check her daily sugar level by pricking herself twice a day. Praying that she will get through this.

I have been consistent in reading my daily devotion which ytd's reminded me of the legacy I m leaving behind. For Abby, what is it that she will see when she scramble through my items, or even this blog? I dunno what legacy means, I dunno what she can learn from me. I only pray that God be her guidance and keep her safe and healthy. I sang Jesus Loves Me to her today and she slept with a smile. So sweet.

Read this today and I thought is a good reminded for myself... Esp so when I am seeing others through my frustration, sometimes I may even show it to Abby I realized :x

Jesus never fails to see us with love, even though we have scars of sin and a rumpled nature that shows in our stutter-step faithfulness. May God help us to replace our haughtiness with Jesus’ heart of love. —Randy Kilgore

Abby is 2 weeks old!

So nice to see her grow each day. From the day she came to now, she is 2 weeks old!

I love seeing how she opened her eyes and take a peek and how she smiled at odd timing. Enjoyed how she wriggled herself from 12pm to 3pm position! :) she is such a joy to the family! Haha..

May you continue to grow healthily, Abby!
And have enough milk!!!! :P God, I pray that Abby will have sufficient supply and help me to persevere on in ensuring the best for her.. Amen! :)

A mother..

I still cannot believe I am already a mother.. It has been a week plus..
Each day, I look at her and I thank God for making Abby the way she is. Saw on documentary how some children borne with additional fingers n toes, reminded me of when hub went to count her fingers n toes too... Simple thing like this is a blessing.. May God continue to grant us His favor..

A sweet little girl of mine.. I really enjoy kissing her..

Daddy's girl

A picture speaks a thousand words...
The daddy rushed from the hectic work just to see Abby.
Father, as we commit our lives to the upbringing of Abby, teach us Your ways and enlighten us when we need.

The love ones in my life..

A week old Abby!

Abby is turning 1 week old! :)

As I recalled last week heading to TMC to be induced till Abby is out.. I still have that tinge if feeling in me. The fear of the painful process..

I was induced in the morning at 10am. We headed for breakfast and walked ard UE sq before heading back at 1pm. I was already 1.5-2cm dilation. I can feel the contractions, the backache and pain in the lower abdominal. It worsen as we head back to TMC the 2nd time after lunch.. And the irony is supposed to have a good meal before 'push' but I had an interesting sweet & sour rice. Thankfully, I didn't feel hungry after birth.

While waiting for admission, my contractions worsen, it felt like I am having a bad cramp and stomachache. Think only women will understand. Finally admitted, I was checked for dilation and to have water bag burst. Not a nice sight, but the experience frightened me even as I think abt it now. It was also awkward to walk with the pad in between legs and to clear bowels. Seriously, I will appreciate some warning as to what is to be expected. After bursting of water bag, everything seems to move very fast. I was ushered into delivery ward after I cleared my bowels.

Next is to be on drip, it supposed to speed up dilation. I think I have fear for drip hence I wanted to delay the whole process so I can breath and understand the situation. I asked for 2nd toilet break but was rejected :( hence I actually poo before bb is out. Too bad. I am still fearful of the drip. I tried to lun as long as I can for the epidural, however I gave in near 4cm dilation and was too painful to know the process for epi. Thankfully the doc tell me each step he be taking, which made it felt better.

Once epi is up, the whole process seems to speed up even more, by 11pm I am 7cm dilation and by 12am 9cm so the nurses preparing for Abby's arrival! By 1am, I have managed to 'push' her out, of cos with the help of the doc too. She was out with the help of forcep. Looking at her size, I can imagine how big my wound can be too. So scary :x though I can't feel but I can tell is a big big wound :x thankfully I didn't feel much pain after epi wore out. But I know after birth, I am too tired to do anything but to let the doc stitched me up and clear whatever he needed to. I was filled with joy when Abby was placed on top of me, bloody, crying.. She had umbilical cord round her neck twice. I couldn't imagine the worst to hear after carrying her in me for 40weeks. Thank God for His protection.

After all, most importantly is that Abby is out safe and healthy. It doesn't make me feel tired looking at her each moment. I can just watch her every movement, it brings so much joy in my heart. I love you Abby! May you grow strong in health despite ma ma's bad managing you, and grow in wisdom and faith in God!