The pain..

It was difficult to know if Abby has enough. When she latched, if she didn't latch well, it is so painful. It felt like she had suck off the top layer of my skin and she still has to continue to suck. Before it heals, I have to offer for her to suck again. Sometimes, I really feel like pumping it out and bottle feed her. However, I also had limited supply. I really dunno how long I can last. It is frustrating esp when I am in pain and everyone tells me she is not having enough. Is tempting to just go for the easy way out. But today when I carry her, somehow I felt she is heavier.

Training the bb needs time. These few weeks it was mama who taught me managing Abby since every bb is different. To the ppl I spoke to, they all started when bb is into 2nd month. I have tried the methods we read, I was upset today that the hub screamed at me when all along I thought I have my pillar of comfort. Everything I have to do, these past weeks everything I did was for Abby. I didn't have a period off for myself. All I have was comments, suggestions, and when I thought all along I have support from the hub. Is it me being emotional? I don't think so.

I am tired. But seeing Abby gives me the strength. She was looking at me all the time when I tried to hide my tears.